On the heels of the controversial Myth of Sex Addiction comes a new just released book entitled Sex Addiction: A Critical History by Reay, Attwood and Gooder. My colleague, Dr. David Ley, a therapist and author of several book including Insatiable Wives and the aforementioned The Myth of Sex Addiction had an extra copy laying about and I said I would be happy to receive it in exchange for an honest review of the book. Putting that piece of full disclosure out of the way, I should also mention that this is a version of a fuller review I have written that will appear in an upcoming issue of the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, in which I have a standing outlet for book reviews. On to the review.
For those unfamiliar with the sex addiction debate, this book is as thorough of an introduction and analysis of the key concepts as one could find anywhere. Even for those like myself, who is up on the latest in sex research, reads all the journals and is keyed in to dialogue with all of the thought leaders, there is still a significant amount of new information to be learned. Typically, when reading a new sexological book, I find myself thoroughly reading the first few chapters and then skimming the rest because either I already know most of what is being presented or the rest of the book simply repeats the ideas from the beginning but in a variety of different ways. Not the case here. The book is strong from beginning to end, and is as much a referendum on our culture and media as it is a sexological casebook on a sexual malady that exists without historical precedent.
Just as an aside, this book doesn’t argue against the existence of people who experience their sexual behavior as out of control or who struggle with immense negative consequences due to the results of these behaviors. We all know they exist, and I work successfully with these kinds of individuals regularly. Rather, the debate here is how do we conceptualize these constellations of difficulties. Are they a separate diagnosis, such as hypersexuality, which was just recently denied inclusion into the DSM 5, or are they merely symptomatic of other mental health issues? Indeed, as the authors clearly point out, research indicates that an exceedingly large majority of those who struggle with sexual compulsivity have some other co-morbid mental health diagnosis, such as major depression, generalized anxiety disorder or bipolar disorder.
The book is at its strongest when it surveys the history of sexological thinking on hypersexuality. Indeed, terms such as satyriasis and nymphomania have existed for centuries, but as the authors point out, these terms derived from different contexts than modern-day sex addiction. Pioneering sexologist Wilhelm Stekel, who coined the term paraphilia, for example did focus entire sections of his studies on Don Juanism, but for him, this form of hypersexuality was exceedingly rare and more tied in to a counterphobia of homosexual desire; for Stekel, we were all born bisexual, so a desire to bed numerous women was seen by him as an antidote to escape inborn homosexual impulses. According to him, “… the greater my opportunity to study the ‘woman chaser’ the stronger my conviction becomes that, back of the ceaseless hunt, stands the longing after the male” (p. 21). Not quite the antecedent to modern sex addiction.
As the authors analyze media’s unquestioning acceptance of the sex addiction premise, we are struck by one of the overarching narratives of this book– the intense ambivalence our society experiences around sexuality. On one hand, we have the recent movies such as Shame and I Am a Sex Addict, which luridly portray the negative effects of the condition, while at the same time using sexuality to attract viewers. Even the tell-all memoirs that warn us of this terrible disease read more like pornography than pornographic novels themselves. So, on one hand we get the message that sex is bad, yet we must also act on our sexual impulses in order to consume more of this kind of media content. In a most powerful paradox, it is the media surrounding sex addiction which is most preoccupied with sexuality.
Then we have the dangers of the encroachment of the DSM (psychiatry and the pharmaceutical industry), the attempts of the sex addiction industry to legitimize itself, and the resulting smorgasbord of muddied thinking. Really, no one, not even the sex addiction pioneers such as Patrick Carnes can agree on what is the correct and concise definition of sex addiction. As a result, we have a diagnostic creep in which just about anyone for any reason can be labeled a sex addict for behaviors that are disapproved of by someone. In a more comical turn, the authors describe an absurd case in which a psychotherapist described having “a case of a man who was sex addicted to his wife. It was a problem because it was depersonalising– he turned her into an object rather than treating her as his wife” (p. 114).
This is a must-have book for the library of any scholar interested in the fields of sexology, culture, media studies, the history of psychiatry and mental illness, and sociology. Lay readers will also enjoy it, although some parts do bog down when the authors go through a laundry list of items, such as the variety of sex addiction psychological instruments out there in existence. Although I’m not sure that anyone who is an addictionologist will be swayed, I do think that those who are on the fence will have more context to make an informed opinion and those in the sexological and sex positive camps will have more ammunition for their views.
In the end, the main thesis of the book is neatly summarized by several quotes. The first by researchers Bancroft and Vukadinovic on p. 118, states:
While acknowledging the importance to both the individual and society of patterns of sexual behavior that are out of control and have problematic consequences, we think it likely that such patterns are varied in both their etiological determinants and how they are best treated. For that reason, we consider it to be premature to attempt some overriding definition relevant to clinical management until we have a better understanding of the various patterns and their likely determinants. The concepts of compulsivity and addiction may prove to have explanatory value in some cases, but are not helpful when used as general terms for this class of behavior problem.
Finally, Professor Allen Frances, who worked on prior DSM work groups, weighs in:
The fundamental problem with ‘hypersexuality’ is that it represents a half baked, poorly conceptualized medicalization of the expected variability of sexual behavior. The authors have not thought through how difficult it is to distinguish between ordinary recreational sexual misbehavior (which is very common) and sexual compulsion (which is very rare)… The authors are trying to provide a diagnosis for the small group whose sexual behaviors are compulsive– but their label would quickly expand to provide a psychiatric excuse for the very large group whose misbehaviors are pleasure-driven, recreational, and impulsive. The offloading of personal responsibility in this way has already captured the public and media fancy and would spread like wildfire” (p. 127-128).



Prevention: Is Sex Addiction Real?
Romper: Emotional Infidelity
Fatherly: BDSM More Common Than You Think
E! Online: Marrying a Murderer
Who Magazine: What is Bisexuality?
CNN: Why Men May Exaggerate Their Sex Numbers
Women’s Health: 10 Kinky Sex Ideas
NY Post: How Tattoos Can Sabotage Your Love Life
Allure: 8 BDSM Sex Tips to Try If You’re a Total Beginner
Great article in Prevention Magazine about the sex addiction controversy. Check out what I had to say.
Romper approached me again for another quote, this time about emotional infidelity.
Interesting piece in Fatherly about BDSM in which I was interviewed.
https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/bdsm-kinky-sex-not-uncommon/
E! News picked up my an interview I did with Vice a few years ago about hybristophilia, which is the attraction to criminals. Very interesting story.
Who is Australia's version of People Magazine. They wanted to know what bisexuality is and I provided some insight.
Seems like something doesn't add up on sex surveys-- are men exaggerating their number of partners? Check out what I tell CNN.
Women's Health asked me for some kinky ideas to spice up one's sex life.
I was interviewed by the NY Post about all the ways in which I've seen bad tattoos sabotage relationships.
Allure Magazine asked me about tips for BDSM beginners.
I answer questions from Salon.com about the infamous porn site PornHub.
I tell Cosmo about the personality traits of monogamous individuals.
I explain to Refinery29 why it's so important to not fake orgasms in a relationship.
I am interviewed in this fairly nuanced piece on the pros and cons of porn.
I am interviewed by Headspace, one of the best meditation and mindfulness apps available, on how to become more present.
https://www.headspace.com/blog/2017/05/26/enjoy-sex-more/
I am interviewed in this intriguing Business Insider article on how often happy couples have sex.
The Huffington Post in South Africa profiles my work around challenging sex addiction (including my red/yellow/green menu exercise) .
I go deep into the sex toy business with Vice.
I give some insight into this interesting topic.
https://thetab.com/us/2017/03/22/happens-boyfriend-leaves-another-man-63306
I am featured in this outstanding article in UK's Independent on women and virtual reality porn. I thought this was a fairly sharp and nuanced piece.
I give Redbook some pointers on having a 3some for the first time.

Playboy sent a journalist to watch Fifty Shades Darker, and then compared the movie with the results from my recent groundbreaking research on BDSM. Great article, enjoy!
I am featured in this terrific New York Magazine article, discussing some of the finer points brought up in the earlier article in SELF magazine (see listing below).
I am featured in this terrific article in SELF magazine on the nuances of the sex addiction debate.
Complex asked me to weigh in on this provocative topic.

I weigh in in this great advice column in Thrillist by Elle Stanger.
Great episode, check it out.
https://soundcloud.com/futureofsex/04-exploring-sexual-fluidity-bicuriousity-for-women-featuring-skirt-club-and-dr-michael-aaron
I give couples advice on how to deal with differences in preferred sleeping arrangements.
Alternet does a great job of reviewing my book. Check out the link below.
In this episode, we talk about the societal myths of sexuality, including:
I was asked to appear on Australian radio. It was a very fun segment, will post the link when I have it!
I appear on the Stereo-Typed podcast to discuss my new book, fantasies, and our shadow self. Click the audio player below and enjoy!
https://www.spreaker.com/user/crazyheart/stereo-typed-8-dancing-with-your-shadow
I appear on the Boom Doctors Podcast to discuss my new book Modern Sexuality and my work as a sex therapist. Clink the link below to listen in.
http://theboomdoctors.com/2016/09/21/ep-132-michael-aaron-on-his-work-as-a-sex-therapist-his-new-book-modern-sexuality/
I was asked by Nylon Magazine to weigh in on the subject of porn and what it means about the individual consumer. Pretty good non-pathologizing piece, check it out here:
I was interviewed by Vocativ about a new virtual reality series entitled "Virtual Sexology," designed to provide breathing and relaxation exercises in a virtual reality format to help individuals improve sexual functioning. Will something like this prove effective? The jury is out, but check out what I had to say...
I appeared on the nationally broadcasted Fusion Network Hotline show to discuss the GOP platform of porn as a "public health crisis." As part of the discussion I debate Dr. Neil Malamuth on porn and sexual violence. I thought this was a very thorough and productive half hour, which you can watch below:
In this Huffington Post article, I advise couples to use sex menus to spice things up. Check out all the details in the link below.

I appeared on French national tv channel Canal + on the Emission Antoine tv show, discussing the psychology behind financial domination. I will post a video clip of the interview shortly.
I was interviewed on Huffington Post's Love + Sex Podcast, which I'm told is the most downloaded sex and relationship podcast on iTunes. In this episode, I dispel the wild myths about "sex roulette" parties.
I was interviewed for an upcoming online sexuality discussion series, the Sexual Reawakening Summit. It features many top sex therapists from around the country and you can access it by using this link:
In the April edition of my Men's Fitness 'Sex Files' Q&A column, I answer questions about anal sex and porn. Hurry and pick up a copy before it's off the stands!

I was asked by Women's Health Magazine to provide some advise on how to incorporate some new positions to spice up one's sex life. With a bunch of pictures and diagrams, I'm sure you'll find something that will intrigue you.
Looks like Yahoo News picked up the Reuters article on women's fears that their partners expect sexual perfectionism. Check it out.
My latest interview with Reuters, this time about social pressure on women to be perfect sexually. "Our society is filled with sexual myths and misconceptions, mostly stemming from a combination of our culture's puritanical roots, as well as rampant consumerism, which feeds off individual insecurities to sell unnecessary products," Aaron said.
Head out to the newsstands and grab a copy of the Jan 2016 issue of Men's Fitness Magazine to see the premier of the new monthly "Sex Files" column in which I answer readers' sex questions. In this month's issue I answer a question in which a guy is looking to help his girlfriend enjoy more pleasure when she is having sex on top. Check out the screenshot below to see my response:

Love& is a new magazine about relationships and sex. They interviewed me about common things that women may want their guys to improve upon in the bedroom. One of the big ones is touch, as a lot of men are way too rough and don't know how to adjust their touch to what their partner wants. For more on this, and other pointers, check out the article itself below:
Market analysts predict that new virtual reality technology will revolutionize the way we experience media, and will specifically boost the porn industry to unprecedented levels. This detailed article covers a lot of ground, addressing both the technology, business and social ramifications of virtual reality porn. I was asked to give my take on the issue and somehow a 20 minute phone conversation was distilled to a brief paragraph at the end of the piece, but nonetheless, it is still a worthwhile read.
Does Bill Cosby have a fetish for unconscious women? Who knows? He's not a client and I've never met him, so I cannot say for sure, but this provocative piece in the NY Times tries to get to the bottom of his alleged bizarre behavior. The reporter did a great job dealing with some uncomfortable material, so be sure to click the link below to see what I had to say on this issue:
I was recently asked by a reporter from Men's Fitness magazine to discuss reasons why a heterosexual man might refrain from having sex with a willing woman. The questions were basically soft balls, seemingly aimed at a younger, more inexperienced, male audience, but hey, I managed to drop a few decent pointers, relating to finding out if the woman is in a relationship, and if so, what kind of relationship she is in before diving in. If you want to take a look and poke around more, you can go directly to the article below. You are going to have to click to page 3 to see my quotes, btw.
I was recently interviewed for a Men's Health article on sex toys designed for men. They wanted to know my take on these "robotic masturbators" (as they called them) and as always, I tried to take a fair and balanced view of things. I pointed out that they could be used as a way to get better acquainted with one's sexuality (as well as get some much needed relief), but an over-reliance on technology may also limit guys from developing the necessary skills that would help them form romantic relationships.
At any rate, hurry on over to the article here--
Go check out a great, and I mean GREAT, absolutely fascinating article in the May issue of Upscale Magazine, entitled "Secret Lovers," in which I am interviewed regarding the hush hush world of the swinger subculture. The writer does a really good job of trying to understand the psychology of folks who practice consensual non-monogamy and I think the piece is very even-handed, with some practical tips for couples who are curious about dipping their toes in the lifestyle. I'll leave you with a quote from one of the swingers profiled in the piece, which I think gives a good feel for the tone and depth of the article-- "I love to see her with two guys and two girls at once. I enjoy submissive women, and there is no sexier submission than to watch my wife please me by pleasing others." If that sounds interesting, then I suggest you head out and grab a copy. It's well worth the read.
I am featured in the Sex Q&A section of Cosmo's April 2014 issue, in which I get asked about BJs, Plan B, sex in hot tubs, and all kinds of other tittilating reader questions. They did a good job of adding all kinds of humor, including a silly picture of tea bags-- need I say more? It's a can't- miss hoot. Go and check it out at news stands now!
I just recently did an interview for a cool podcast called