January 2014 - Dr Michael Aaron

Permalink Gallery
The Triangular Theory of Love

The Triangular Theory of Love

Another one from the archive vault…

There has been a lot of recent research concerning what makes a successful relationship work. One of the leading lights in this research is Dr. Gottman, who stated he could predict with a high degree of accuracy which marriages would end up in divorce, merely by the ways in which the couple communicated with each other. I will write more about Dr. Gottman in a future post.

Another important researcher in this area is Dr. Robert Sternberg, a psychologist specializing in cognition, who created the Triangular Theory of Love. I want to take a moment to describe this theory, since I think that it does a good job of describing the types of relationships that people may find themselves in.

This theory holds that all successful love relationships are comprised of three key areas, which symbolize the three end points of a triangle:

Intimacy: which is the feeling of closeness, sharing and connectedness.
Passion:which is the drive for romance, physical attraction, and sexual desire.
Commitment: which is the desire to stay together.

Not all relationships possess all three qualities, but an ideal love, or “consummate love” as he coins it, contains all three. Some relationships possess only one or two of the above qualities and Dr. Sternberg categorizes types of relationships by which of these three qualities are present in the relationship.

For example, “Non-love” would describe a relationship with none of the qualities listed above, while “Liking/friendship” contains intimacy, but no passion or commitment. Below is a list of all the other types of relationships based on the triangle:

Infatuated love: pure passion, absolutely no intimacy or commitment; otherwise […]

By Michael Aaron|January 24th, 2014|Couples Therapy, Sex Therapy|1 Comment

Permalink Gallery
How Intense Emotions are Expressed in the Body

How Intense Emotions are Expressed in the Body

This post is another oldie but goodie. A bit psychoanalytic in nature, but well worth the read. Unresolved emotions often play havoc on our body, specifically on our sexuality. In this post, I will elaborate a little more about the ways that intense emotions, specifically unresolved rage can show themselves through the body and negatively affect sexual performance.

First, we need to understand how feelings are experienced. Feelings can be understood in three distinct ways- cognitively (“I know I am angry”); physically (“I feel a burning sensation in my temples”); and through an action/impulse (“I feel like punching this person”). Often individuals may find themselves dissociated from one or more, or even all three areas. For example, they may deny to themselves that they feel angry, but find themselves experiencing somatic problems such as headaches and stomachaches that cannot be medically accounted for. These individuals may somatize their emotions. In this way the anger may make itself felt in the body, without the individual recognizing the link.

Sometimes, the person may recognize that he or she feels anger, but may feel totally numb in the body. These individuals may have easy access to their cognitive functioning, and may engage in obsessive ruminations, but may be totally removed from experiencing physical embodiment.

I will elaborate on these various channels of emotional discharge in other postings, but for now I will focus on the role of the body in experiencing emotions. I propose that internal anger and rage may often only be accessed through the body by some individuals through activities designed to produce somatic experience. These may include body […]

By Michael Aaron|January 16th, 2014|Sexuality and Psychology|1 Comment

Permalink Gallery
How to Keep Relationships Fresh and Exciting

How to Keep Relationships Fresh and Exciting

I was recently looking through some archives of some old articles I had written years ago. From time to time, I will use reuse some old material that readers of this blog may find helpful. I wrote the following piece for a relationship site a number of years ago, but it is still relevant today as ever. I hope you enjoy…..

The first few months of a promising relationship are always exciting, but inevitably even the best relationships start to slow down as they mature and start to feel like they are falling into a rut. You become habituated to the other person, no matter how interesting or sexy they are, and both of you start to give up to the grind of a daily routine.

Stop.

This will kill your relationship. The death-knell of any good relationship are the words dull, routine, or grind as opposed to fun, sexy, spontaneous, and exciting.

Remember this list of good words and bad words as a quick guide to see whether or if your relationship is on track:

Good Words Bad Words

Fun Boring

Sexy Plain

Spontaneous Routine

Exciting Dull

Get it?

So let’s introduce another concept that will lead to more fun, sexy, spontaneous and exciting times rather than boring, plan, routine, dull ones. Here’s the concept- ANTICIPATION.

This can be a running idea that lasts for the whole day, week, month or year. This is how it works: Put an idea into your partner’s head about something that is going […]