When clients complain about sexual anxiety, whether it is the inability to achieve erection or rapid ejaculation, they often find themselves dwelling on everything that could possibly go wrong in a future sexual encounter.  That kind of anxiety starts building up much earlier than the actual event itself and can feel crippling and paralyzing in other aspects of daily life. We call this anxiety “performance anxiety” because it reflects the fears of being unable to perform adequately in front of other people.

In this case, “other people” refers to a sexual partner, but performance anxiety rears its ugly head in other areas, ranging from public speaking to interviews. In all of these situations, the person struggling with performance anxiety is preoccupied with the thoughts and judgments of others. “What will these people in the audience think of me if I mess up?” “If I don’t perform well, my interviewer won’t like me, and I won’t get the job.” These are common thoughts that go through someone’s head when they are stressed about an upcoming performance. You see, the most important aspect of the anxiety is the fear of social disapproval. Someone who can practice their speech alone in the privacy of their room can suddenly start shaking uncontrollably in front of an audience. Same speech. The difference is other people.

Sexual anxiety works the same way. Someone may have absolutely no anxiety masturbating alone in a room, but bring in a sexual partner, and all of a sudden Mr. Happy goes to sleep and can’t wake up. This is why so many people who struggle with […]