President Obama made news this week when he made a statement, posted on the whitehouse.gov website, calling for the end of conversion therapies aimed at gay and trans* youth. Numerous news sites reported that, in making the statement, he had been moved by the December suicide of a 17-year old trans* youth named Leelah Alcorn, who had been subjected to conversion efforts by religious therapists. A petition to ban conversion therapy, begun in her honor, has already received over 120,000 signatures.
Those are some of the bare facts, but as is usually the case, by the time someone high up like the president gets around to an issue, it’s already been building steam for a while. States such as California and New Jersey, as well as Washington DC have already banned conversion therapy aimed at youth, and I believe this is just the beginning of further state legislation. In making these decisions, the courts have pointed to the complete lack of empirical, scientific evidence for the efficacy of these so-called therapies as well as the catastrophic potential harm that they can cause.
In my mind, therapies such as conversion therapy and it’s close cousin, reparative therapy are nothing more than formalized ways of exploiting shame, under the cloak of professionalism and authority. They reach out to potential clients (victims?) by appealing to their pain points of shame that is based around their sexuality and then proceed to intensify the shame by trying to eradicate the sexual thoughts, fantasies or behaviors. So what you have here is an individual who is already scarred by shame, and then retraumatized over and over by reinforcement of the shame. Folks, there’s only one way to reduce shame, and that’s by deshaming, rather than heaping on more scoops of shame.
In many ways, much of our society and social order is built around the reinforcement of shame. This is one of the themes I address in my upcoming book. For example, consumerism is completely built around elements of shame– the feeling that something about us is lacking or inadequate and can only be complete by purchasing some product that will make us whole. Sexuality is particularly vulnerable to shame-making because it is such an indelible aspect of our identity. If you can shame sexuality, well then you’ve hit the mother-load of shame. Someone who is sexually shamed has had their internal sense of self compromised and so are much more likely to be vulnerable to being controlled, manipulated or coerced in some way, shape or fashion.
It’s no wonder then that, as psychotherapy is as much a reflection of social mores and attitudes as it is of hard science, the profession can also be utilized for social repression and shaming. As I’ve argued in other areas of this blog, this is not limited just to conversion therapies per se. For example, as I’ve written here, even though sexual compulsivity is a real symptom that I help my clients to overcome every week, certain elements of “sex addiction treatment” have also taken on aspects of an industry aimed at exploiting personal shame. It is often the case in these clinics that a sexually compulsive individual is lumped in with someone who has same-sex attraction, a person with a variety of kinks that his wife doesn’t like, and a person who is caught watching porn and they are all labeled as “sex addicts.” The sex addiction community often talks about the role of shame, but I wonder if the shame in this case is not purely societally and iatrogenically caused. In other words, if someone comes to a doctor and that clinician tells the person that his or her sexual desires are pathological, is it any wonder then that they struggle with shame? In this case, what comes first, the sexual desire or the shame? It’s like the chicken and the egg question.
In addition, there are thousands of therapists all over the country who have not been trained in the sex addiction model and do not advertise as such, but who nonetheless pathologize non-normative sexualities and attempt to remove them through eradication techniques. Many of them claim that they are sex-positive, but what they mean is that they are positive about “healthy sexuality,” which is narrowly defined by their own subjective biases. For more on this type of therapist bias, you can check out this article on eradication techniques and this one about “deviant” fantasies. I don’t see how any of this is less harmful than the conversion therapies being discussed in regards to banning.
With all that said, here’s my prediction. Conversion therapy of any kind, whether of gay or trans* individuals, regardless of age, will become illegal in this country in most states, and eventually all states. Sex addiction treatment will have to evolve to something else, specifically the treatment of sexually compulsive people, not of non-normative (kinky, gay, bi) or nonmonogamous (poly, open) individuals. But if that happens, the sex addiction industry will be much less profitable, so there will definitely be pushback, but they will not be able to escape social trends if they want to remain viable. Treatment providers who currently pathologize non-normative sexualities under any other therapeutic modality, besides sex addiction, such as psychoanalysis, CBT, or any other theoretic model will either have to evolve or at the very least will be much more secretive of their biases with colleagues and clients.
In the end, social progress marches forward and those that stand opposed will find themselves on the wrong side of history. Like other repressive and foolish ideas that came before, such as hysteria, nymphomania and lobotomies, conversion therapy will too find itself in the dustbin of history.



Prevention: Is Sex Addiction Real?
Romper: Emotional Infidelity
Fatherly: BDSM More Common Than You Think
E! Online: Marrying a Murderer
Who Magazine: What is Bisexuality?
CNN: Why Men May Exaggerate Their Sex Numbers
Women’s Health: 10 Kinky Sex Ideas
NY Post: How Tattoos Can Sabotage Your Love Life
Allure: 8 BDSM Sex Tips to Try If You’re a Total Beginner
Great article in Prevention Magazine about the sex addiction controversy. Check out what I had to say.
Romper approached me again for another quote, this time about emotional infidelity.
Interesting piece in Fatherly about BDSM in which I was interviewed.
https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/bdsm-kinky-sex-not-uncommon/
E! News picked up my an interview I did with Vice a few years ago about hybristophilia, which is the attraction to criminals. Very interesting story.
Who is Australia's version of People Magazine. They wanted to know what bisexuality is and I provided some insight.
Seems like something doesn't add up on sex surveys-- are men exaggerating their number of partners? Check out what I tell CNN.
Women's Health asked me for some kinky ideas to spice up one's sex life.
I was interviewed by the NY Post about all the ways in which I've seen bad tattoos sabotage relationships.
Allure Magazine asked me about tips for BDSM beginners.
I answer questions from Salon.com about the infamous porn site PornHub.
I tell Cosmo about the personality traits of monogamous individuals.
I explain to Refinery29 why it's so important to not fake orgasms in a relationship.
I am interviewed in this fairly nuanced piece on the pros and cons of porn.
I am interviewed by Headspace, one of the best meditation and mindfulness apps available, on how to become more present.
https://www.headspace.com/blog/2017/05/26/enjoy-sex-more/
I am interviewed in this intriguing Business Insider article on how often happy couples have sex.
The Huffington Post in South Africa profiles my work around challenging sex addiction (including my red/yellow/green menu exercise) .
I go deep into the sex toy business with Vice.
I give some insight into this interesting topic.
https://thetab.com/us/2017/03/22/happens-boyfriend-leaves-another-man-63306
I am featured in this outstanding article in UK's Independent on women and virtual reality porn. I thought this was a fairly sharp and nuanced piece.
I give Redbook some pointers on having a 3some for the first time.

Playboy sent a journalist to watch Fifty Shades Darker, and then compared the movie with the results from my recent groundbreaking research on BDSM. Great article, enjoy!
I am featured in this terrific New York Magazine article, discussing some of the finer points brought up in the earlier article in SELF magazine (see listing below).
I am featured in this terrific article in SELF magazine on the nuances of the sex addiction debate.
Complex asked me to weigh in on this provocative topic.

I weigh in in this great advice column in Thrillist by Elle Stanger.
Great episode, check it out.
https://soundcloud.com/futureofsex/04-exploring-sexual-fluidity-bicuriousity-for-women-featuring-skirt-club-and-dr-michael-aaron
I give couples advice on how to deal with differences in preferred sleeping arrangements.
Alternet does a great job of reviewing my book. Check out the link below.
In this episode, we talk about the societal myths of sexuality, including:
I was asked to appear on Australian radio. It was a very fun segment, will post the link when I have it!
I appear on the Stereo-Typed podcast to discuss my new book, fantasies, and our shadow self. Click the audio player below and enjoy!
https://www.spreaker.com/user/crazyheart/stereo-typed-8-dancing-with-your-shadow
I appear on the Boom Doctors Podcast to discuss my new book Modern Sexuality and my work as a sex therapist. Clink the link below to listen in.
http://theboomdoctors.com/2016/09/21/ep-132-michael-aaron-on-his-work-as-a-sex-therapist-his-new-book-modern-sexuality/
I was asked by Nylon Magazine to weigh in on the subject of porn and what it means about the individual consumer. Pretty good non-pathologizing piece, check it out here:
I was interviewed by Vocativ about a new virtual reality series entitled "Virtual Sexology," designed to provide breathing and relaxation exercises in a virtual reality format to help individuals improve sexual functioning. Will something like this prove effective? The jury is out, but check out what I had to say...
I appeared on the nationally broadcasted Fusion Network Hotline show to discuss the GOP platform of porn as a "public health crisis." As part of the discussion I debate Dr. Neil Malamuth on porn and sexual violence. I thought this was a very thorough and productive half hour, which you can watch below:
In this Huffington Post article, I advise couples to use sex menus to spice things up. Check out all the details in the link below.

I appeared on French national tv channel Canal + on the Emission Antoine tv show, discussing the psychology behind financial domination. I will post a video clip of the interview shortly.
I was interviewed on Huffington Post's Love + Sex Podcast, which I'm told is the most downloaded sex and relationship podcast on iTunes. In this episode, I dispel the wild myths about "sex roulette" parties.
I was interviewed for an upcoming online sexuality discussion series, the Sexual Reawakening Summit. It features many top sex therapists from around the country and you can access it by using this link:
In the April edition of my Men's Fitness 'Sex Files' Q&A column, I answer questions about anal sex and porn. Hurry and pick up a copy before it's off the stands!

I was asked by Women's Health Magazine to provide some advise on how to incorporate some new positions to spice up one's sex life. With a bunch of pictures and diagrams, I'm sure you'll find something that will intrigue you.
Looks like Yahoo News picked up the Reuters article on women's fears that their partners expect sexual perfectionism. Check it out.
My latest interview with Reuters, this time about social pressure on women to be perfect sexually. "Our society is filled with sexual myths and misconceptions, mostly stemming from a combination of our culture's puritanical roots, as well as rampant consumerism, which feeds off individual insecurities to sell unnecessary products," Aaron said.
Head out to the newsstands and grab a copy of the Jan 2016 issue of Men's Fitness Magazine to see the premier of the new monthly "Sex Files" column in which I answer readers' sex questions. In this month's issue I answer a question in which a guy is looking to help his girlfriend enjoy more pleasure when she is having sex on top. Check out the screenshot below to see my response:

Love& is a new magazine about relationships and sex. They interviewed me about common things that women may want their guys to improve upon in the bedroom. One of the big ones is touch, as a lot of men are way too rough and don't know how to adjust their touch to what their partner wants. For more on this, and other pointers, check out the article itself below:
Market analysts predict that new virtual reality technology will revolutionize the way we experience media, and will specifically boost the porn industry to unprecedented levels. This detailed article covers a lot of ground, addressing both the technology, business and social ramifications of virtual reality porn. I was asked to give my take on the issue and somehow a 20 minute phone conversation was distilled to a brief paragraph at the end of the piece, but nonetheless, it is still a worthwhile read.
Does Bill Cosby have a fetish for unconscious women? Who knows? He's not a client and I've never met him, so I cannot say for sure, but this provocative piece in the NY Times tries to get to the bottom of his alleged bizarre behavior. The reporter did a great job dealing with some uncomfortable material, so be sure to click the link below to see what I had to say on this issue:
I was recently asked by a reporter from Men's Fitness magazine to discuss reasons why a heterosexual man might refrain from having sex with a willing woman. The questions were basically soft balls, seemingly aimed at a younger, more inexperienced, male audience, but hey, I managed to drop a few decent pointers, relating to finding out if the woman is in a relationship, and if so, what kind of relationship she is in before diving in. If you want to take a look and poke around more, you can go directly to the article below. You are going to have to click to page 3 to see my quotes, btw.
I was recently interviewed for a Men's Health article on sex toys designed for men. They wanted to know my take on these "robotic masturbators" (as they called them) and as always, I tried to take a fair and balanced view of things. I pointed out that they could be used as a way to get better acquainted with one's sexuality (as well as get some much needed relief), but an over-reliance on technology may also limit guys from developing the necessary skills that would help them form romantic relationships.
At any rate, hurry on over to the article here--
Go check out a great, and I mean GREAT, absolutely fascinating article in the May issue of Upscale Magazine, entitled "Secret Lovers," in which I am interviewed regarding the hush hush world of the swinger subculture. The writer does a really good job of trying to understand the psychology of folks who practice consensual non-monogamy and I think the piece is very even-handed, with some practical tips for couples who are curious about dipping their toes in the lifestyle. I'll leave you with a quote from one of the swingers profiled in the piece, which I think gives a good feel for the tone and depth of the article-- "I love to see her with two guys and two girls at once. I enjoy submissive women, and there is no sexier submission than to watch my wife please me by pleasing others." If that sounds interesting, then I suggest you head out and grab a copy. It's well worth the read.
I am featured in the Sex Q&A section of Cosmo's April 2014 issue, in which I get asked about BJs, Plan B, sex in hot tubs, and all kinds of other tittilating reader questions. They did a good job of adding all kinds of humor, including a silly picture of tea bags-- need I say more? It's a can't- miss hoot. Go and check it out at news stands now!
I just recently did an interview for a cool podcast called