I recently finished reading a fascinating book, The Sober Truth, by Lance Dodes, which focuses a critical look at the treatment of addictions, particularly inpatient rehab centers and 12-step groups. I’m sure this book will prove to be very controversial, especially in addiction circles, as its main premise is there is no evidence that 12-step groups, or inpatient rehabs (which are mostly modeled on the 12-steps) are more effective than no treatment at all in helping folks to overcome their addictions. In all, research shows that only 5% of those who regularly attend a 12-step fellowship are able to abstain fully from alcohol or drugs in the long-term, which is about the same percentage of those who quit on their own.
As a sexologist, my expertise is not in addictionology, but where my practice does intersect the addiction field is in the area of sex addiction and sexual compulsivity. There is currently tremendous debate whether out-of-control sexuality is really an addiction or a compulsion. For more on this, check out this article which covers recent research in this area. Interestingly, in The Sober Truth, Dodes states that all addictions, yes ALL addictions, and this includes all manner of drug addictions and alcoholism are really compulsions, not addictions. To illustrate his point, Dodes differentiates between physical addictions, where the human body has built up a tolerance and would go into withdrawal if the substance is removed, and the psychological or emotional aspect of the addiction, which looks very similar to a compulsion. Dodes states that it is quite possible to develop a physical addiction without emotional dependence, as well as emotional dependence without physical addiction. For example, many folks with chronic pain may develop a physical addiction to painkillers, but without all of the signs of emotional dependence. For these folks, it is much simpler to kick the habit if they don’t need it emotionally. On the other hand, many people develop habits which serve emotional needs, such as gambling, shopping, workaholism, and yes, sex, but without the manifestations of physical addiction.
Kicking an emotional habit is much more difficult than overcoming a physical dependence. The rise of heroin addiction in the 1970s provides a perfect illustration of these two different kinds of “addictions”– emotional and physical. Soldiers returning from the Vietnam War in the 70s were often arriving hooked on heroin, which they used on the front to cope with the horrors of war. At the same time, rates of heroin addiction were rising in cities across America amongst civilians who had never had to endure any of the atrocities that the soldiers experienced. In this way, the soldiers were dealing with external pain (the horrors of war), while the civilian addicts were struggling with internal (or emotional) pain. Interestingly, once the war was over and the external stress removed, the soldiers demonstrated very high rates of recovery from heroin addiction and were likely to stay off the drug long-term. However, the civilians showed poor recovery rates, as they were likely to still be struggling with the internal difficulties that fueled their addiction. This case illustrates the key point that the main deterrent to recovery is not physical addiction, but the internal, emotional causes of the addiction.
Dodes goes on to state that most folks who identify as alcoholics or drug addicts are not really physically addicted to the substance, but are instead acting on emotional stressors. In fact, they don’t even need to take the drug to feel better; just deciding to take the drug appears to provide great emotional relief. This is very similar to someone suffering with compulsions– think OCD. The individual uses obsessions (thoughts) and compulsions (behaviors) to soothe anxiety. The person who compulsively checks the door or the stove knows that the door is locked and the stove is off, but the act of checking provides a sense of relief. For this reason, Dodes believes that most addictions are truly compulsions, and should be treated as such.
For Dodes, the most powerful emotion that addicts experience is helplessness, and then subsequent rage at feeling so ineffectual. The compulsivity stems from seeking substances (or other behaviors such as gambling and sex) which provides relief from this internal storm. I’m not quite sure about this theory, since I believe that helplessness is not a core emotion but may consist of other emotions such as fear and shame, but I do agree with Dodes on the primal role that emotions play in compulsive behaviors.
I’m not going to go into the argument about rehab centers and 12-step fellowships because I think it veers away from the core idea of differentiating physical addiction from the emotional, compulsive aspects of these behaviors. And specifically, when it comes to sexuality and sex addiction, there is absolutely no proof at all of the physical aspects of addiction such as tolerance or withdrawal. So then what are we left with? The compulsivity. And the problematic emotions at the core.
For more on the connection between emotions and sexuality, click here and here and here and here.



Prevention: Is Sex Addiction Real?
Romper: Emotional Infidelity
Fatherly: BDSM More Common Than You Think
E! Online: Marrying a Murderer
Who Magazine: What is Bisexuality?
CNN: Why Men May Exaggerate Their Sex Numbers
Women’s Health: 10 Kinky Sex Ideas
NY Post: How Tattoos Can Sabotage Your Love Life
Allure: 8 BDSM Sex Tips to Try If You’re a Total Beginner
Great article in Prevention Magazine about the sex addiction controversy. Check out what I had to say.
Romper approached me again for another quote, this time about emotional infidelity.
Interesting piece in Fatherly about BDSM in which I was interviewed.
https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/bdsm-kinky-sex-not-uncommon/
E! News picked up my an interview I did with Vice a few years ago about hybristophilia, which is the attraction to criminals. Very interesting story.
Who is Australia's version of People Magazine. They wanted to know what bisexuality is and I provided some insight.
Seems like something doesn't add up on sex surveys-- are men exaggerating their number of partners? Check out what I tell CNN.
Women's Health asked me for some kinky ideas to spice up one's sex life.
I was interviewed by the NY Post about all the ways in which I've seen bad tattoos sabotage relationships.
Allure Magazine asked me about tips for BDSM beginners.
I answer questions from Salon.com about the infamous porn site PornHub.
I tell Cosmo about the personality traits of monogamous individuals.
I explain to Refinery29 why it's so important to not fake orgasms in a relationship.
I am interviewed in this fairly nuanced piece on the pros and cons of porn.
I am interviewed by Headspace, one of the best meditation and mindfulness apps available, on how to become more present.
https://www.headspace.com/blog/2017/05/26/enjoy-sex-more/
I am interviewed in this intriguing Business Insider article on how often happy couples have sex.
The Huffington Post in South Africa profiles my work around challenging sex addiction (including my red/yellow/green menu exercise) .
I go deep into the sex toy business with Vice.
I give some insight into this interesting topic.
https://thetab.com/us/2017/03/22/happens-boyfriend-leaves-another-man-63306
I am featured in this outstanding article in UK's Independent on women and virtual reality porn. I thought this was a fairly sharp and nuanced piece.
I give Redbook some pointers on having a 3some for the first time.

Playboy sent a journalist to watch Fifty Shades Darker, and then compared the movie with the results from my recent groundbreaking research on BDSM. Great article, enjoy!
I am featured in this terrific New York Magazine article, discussing some of the finer points brought up in the earlier article in SELF magazine (see listing below).
I am featured in this terrific article in SELF magazine on the nuances of the sex addiction debate.
Complex asked me to weigh in on this provocative topic.

I weigh in in this great advice column in Thrillist by Elle Stanger.
Great episode, check it out.
https://soundcloud.com/futureofsex/04-exploring-sexual-fluidity-bicuriousity-for-women-featuring-skirt-club-and-dr-michael-aaron
I give couples advice on how to deal with differences in preferred sleeping arrangements.
Alternet does a great job of reviewing my book. Check out the link below.
In this episode, we talk about the societal myths of sexuality, including:
I was asked to appear on Australian radio. It was a very fun segment, will post the link when I have it!
I appear on the Stereo-Typed podcast to discuss my new book, fantasies, and our shadow self. Click the audio player below and enjoy!
https://www.spreaker.com/user/crazyheart/stereo-typed-8-dancing-with-your-shadow
I appear on the Boom Doctors Podcast to discuss my new book Modern Sexuality and my work as a sex therapist. Clink the link below to listen in.
http://theboomdoctors.com/2016/09/21/ep-132-michael-aaron-on-his-work-as-a-sex-therapist-his-new-book-modern-sexuality/
I was asked by Nylon Magazine to weigh in on the subject of porn and what it means about the individual consumer. Pretty good non-pathologizing piece, check it out here:
I was interviewed by Vocativ about a new virtual reality series entitled "Virtual Sexology," designed to provide breathing and relaxation exercises in a virtual reality format to help individuals improve sexual functioning. Will something like this prove effective? The jury is out, but check out what I had to say...
I appeared on the nationally broadcasted Fusion Network Hotline show to discuss the GOP platform of porn as a "public health crisis." As part of the discussion I debate Dr. Neil Malamuth on porn and sexual violence. I thought this was a very thorough and productive half hour, which you can watch below:
In this Huffington Post article, I advise couples to use sex menus to spice things up. Check out all the details in the link below.

I appeared on French national tv channel Canal + on the Emission Antoine tv show, discussing the psychology behind financial domination. I will post a video clip of the interview shortly.
I was interviewed on Huffington Post's Love + Sex Podcast, which I'm told is the most downloaded sex and relationship podcast on iTunes. In this episode, I dispel the wild myths about "sex roulette" parties.
I was interviewed for an upcoming online sexuality discussion series, the Sexual Reawakening Summit. It features many top sex therapists from around the country and you can access it by using this link:
In the April edition of my Men's Fitness 'Sex Files' Q&A column, I answer questions about anal sex and porn. Hurry and pick up a copy before it's off the stands!

I was asked by Women's Health Magazine to provide some advise on how to incorporate some new positions to spice up one's sex life. With a bunch of pictures and diagrams, I'm sure you'll find something that will intrigue you.
Looks like Yahoo News picked up the Reuters article on women's fears that their partners expect sexual perfectionism. Check it out.
My latest interview with Reuters, this time about social pressure on women to be perfect sexually. "Our society is filled with sexual myths and misconceptions, mostly stemming from a combination of our culture's puritanical roots, as well as rampant consumerism, which feeds off individual insecurities to sell unnecessary products," Aaron said.
Head out to the newsstands and grab a copy of the Jan 2016 issue of Men's Fitness Magazine to see the premier of the new monthly "Sex Files" column in which I answer readers' sex questions. In this month's issue I answer a question in which a guy is looking to help his girlfriend enjoy more pleasure when she is having sex on top. Check out the screenshot below to see my response:

Love& is a new magazine about relationships and sex. They interviewed me about common things that women may want their guys to improve upon in the bedroom. One of the big ones is touch, as a lot of men are way too rough and don't know how to adjust their touch to what their partner wants. For more on this, and other pointers, check out the article itself below:
Market analysts predict that new virtual reality technology will revolutionize the way we experience media, and will specifically boost the porn industry to unprecedented levels. This detailed article covers a lot of ground, addressing both the technology, business and social ramifications of virtual reality porn. I was asked to give my take on the issue and somehow a 20 minute phone conversation was distilled to a brief paragraph at the end of the piece, but nonetheless, it is still a worthwhile read.
Does Bill Cosby have a fetish for unconscious women? Who knows? He's not a client and I've never met him, so I cannot say for sure, but this provocative piece in the NY Times tries to get to the bottom of his alleged bizarre behavior. The reporter did a great job dealing with some uncomfortable material, so be sure to click the link below to see what I had to say on this issue:
I was recently asked by a reporter from Men's Fitness magazine to discuss reasons why a heterosexual man might refrain from having sex with a willing woman. The questions were basically soft balls, seemingly aimed at a younger, more inexperienced, male audience, but hey, I managed to drop a few decent pointers, relating to finding out if the woman is in a relationship, and if so, what kind of relationship she is in before diving in. If you want to take a look and poke around more, you can go directly to the article below. You are going to have to click to page 3 to see my quotes, btw.
I was recently interviewed for a Men's Health article on sex toys designed for men. They wanted to know my take on these "robotic masturbators" (as they called them) and as always, I tried to take a fair and balanced view of things. I pointed out that they could be used as a way to get better acquainted with one's sexuality (as well as get some much needed relief), but an over-reliance on technology may also limit guys from developing the necessary skills that would help them form romantic relationships.
At any rate, hurry on over to the article here--
Go check out a great, and I mean GREAT, absolutely fascinating article in the May issue of Upscale Magazine, entitled "Secret Lovers," in which I am interviewed regarding the hush hush world of the swinger subculture. The writer does a really good job of trying to understand the psychology of folks who practice consensual non-monogamy and I think the piece is very even-handed, with some practical tips for couples who are curious about dipping their toes in the lifestyle. I'll leave you with a quote from one of the swingers profiled in the piece, which I think gives a good feel for the tone and depth of the article-- "I love to see her with two guys and two girls at once. I enjoy submissive women, and there is no sexier submission than to watch my wife please me by pleasing others." If that sounds interesting, then I suggest you head out and grab a copy. It's well worth the read.
I am featured in the Sex Q&A section of Cosmo's April 2014 issue, in which I get asked about BJs, Plan B, sex in hot tubs, and all kinds of other tittilating reader questions. They did a good job of adding all kinds of humor, including a silly picture of tea bags-- need I say more? It's a can't- miss hoot. Go and check it out at news stands now!
I just recently did an interview for a cool podcast called