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    Book Review– The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships by Neil Strauss

Book Review– The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships by Neil Strauss

This review is a preview of a more formal review which will appear a few months from now in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy. I will start by putting this book into context and then I will address the content before going into other aspects of the book, such as structure, quality of writing, etc. The author, Neil Strauss is a Rolling Stone Magazine journalist, and known for co-authoring books by rock stars such as Marilyn Manson, Dave Navarro from Jane’s Addiction, and Motley Crue. These names will all be familiar to those who were into rock music in the late 80s through the 90s. He then came to more prominence by documenting his rise from a journalist nerd who couldn’t “score” even when traveling with rock stars to a guy who learned to “pick up” women in the The Game. The Truth is marketed as a sequel in which this ladies’ man is now trying to learn how to maintain a great relationship now that he can find willing partners to form one. I happened to get my hands on a copy after a social media discussion I had with the author, in which I stated I was willing to provide an honest review in exchange for a copy of the book.

While The Game has received criticism for its portrayal of attitudes towards women within the “seduction community”, as it is called, I found The Truth to have more broad appeal to a variety of different groups. Off the top of my head, the following individuals would probably find at least something of interest within this book: Individuals who are […]

Sexuality and Radical Self-Acceptance

In an earlier post, I discussed the importance of self-compassion, and as I progress further in my work, I become more and more certain that it is the cultivation of compassion, rather than the absence of painful emotions and anxiety, that is the hallmark of mental health. I want to expand a bit more on that here, as one integral aspect of compassion towards oneself is self-acceptance. In fact, I’m describing a self-acceptance so complete and pervasive that I call it a radical self-acceptance. What do I mean by this, and what does this have to do with sexuality?

In brief, let me first state before diving deeper, that our culture, at least when it comes to sexuality (and I would extend it further than that) is a shame-based culture. I have much more to say about that in my upcoming book (be sure to subscribe below to the blog or in the sidebar to the newsletter to stay updated on its release), but for now, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that a country has a sexually shame-based culture when same sex marriage was only nationally legalized a few months ago and people still have their children taken away in custody proceedings due to the nature of their sexuality. My colleague, Joe Kort, has written about the institutional trauma of growing up gay in this country; I would also add that there is an institutional trauma of growing up anything beyond normative and “vanilla.”

Unfortunately, the mental health field, while providing support and relief for millions of people, has also carried within its […]

Book Review– Sex Addiction: A Critical History

On the heels of the controversial Myth of Sex Addiction comes a new just released book entitled Sex Addiction: A Critical History by Reay, Attwood and Gooder. My colleague, Dr. David Ley, a therapist and author of several book including Insatiable Wives and the aforementioned The Myth of Sex Addiction had an extra copy laying about and I said I would be happy to receive it in exchange for an honest review of the book. Putting that piece of full disclosure out of the way, I should also mention that this is a version of a fuller review I have written that will appear in an upcoming issue of the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, in which I have a standing outlet for book reviews.  On to the review.

For those unfamiliar with the sex addiction debate, this book is as thorough of an introduction and analysis of the key concepts as one could find anywhere. Even for those like myself, who is up on the latest in sex research, reads all the journals and is keyed in to dialogue with all of the thought leaders, there is still a significant amount of new information to be learned. Typically, when reading a new sexological book, I find myself thoroughly reading the first few chapters and then skimming the rest because either I already know most of what is being presented or the rest of the book simply repeats the ideas from the beginning but in a variety of different ways. Not the case here. The book is strong from beginning to end, and is as much a referendum on our […]

Overcoming Sexual Shame

One of the main topics covered in my upcoming book, due sometime later next year, is the shaming effect that society has on our innate sexual selves and what we can do about it. It’s definitely not an easy subject to tackle because both sexuality and shame are extremely complex and cut right to the core of our identities. Save perhaps for urban millennials, who appear to be more sexually open than any other generation in history; it is the rare individual who has been able to escape the ill effects of the social repression of sexuality completely.

For many folks, shame may feel so pervasive that they don’t even realize how much shame they experience; they don’t have anything to compare it to.  It may only come out after many years of a committed relationship, where sexual boredom and complacency demand creativity and thinking outside the box. For others, shame is so deeply felt that they enter relationships hiding their true sexual desires, fearing that they will be rejected for who they are. Some of them may believe that they are sex addicts and usually have no difficulty finding someone who will treat them from a pathology lens.

The first thing I want to do when I work with a new client is make it clear that there is no shame or judgment in my office. I’ve heard it all and there is nothing that will shock or disgust me. The books on my shelves range in topic from homosexuality to sadomasochism and I don’t hide them, I put them in full view. The implication is that […]

An End to Conversion Therapy?

President Obama made news this week when he made a statement, posted on the whitehouse.gov website, calling for the end of conversion therapies aimed at gay and trans* youth. Numerous news sites reported that, in making the statement, he had been moved by the December suicide of a 17-year old trans* youth named Leelah Alcorn, who had been subjected to conversion efforts by religious therapists. A petition to ban conversion therapy, begun in her honor, has already received over 120,000 signatures.

Those are some of the bare facts, but as is usually the case, by the time someone high up like the president gets around to an issue, it’s already been building steam for a while. States such as California and New Jersey, as well as Washington DC have already banned conversion therapy aimed at youth, and I believe this is just the beginning of further state legislation. In making these decisions, the courts have pointed to the complete lack of empirical, scientific evidence for the efficacy of these so-called therapies as well as the catastrophic potential harm that they can cause.

In my mind, therapies such as conversion therapy and it’s close cousin, reparative therapy are nothing more than formalized ways of exploiting shame, under the cloak of professionalism and authority. They reach out to potential clients (victims?) by appealing to their pain points of shame that is based around their sexuality and then proceed to intensify the shame by trying to eradicate the sexual thoughts, fantasies or behaviors. So what you have here is an individual who is already scarred by shame, and then retraumatized over and […]

What is Harm Reduction?

Last post I discussed some ideas around self exploration and peak experiences that strongly resonate with me. In this post, I’m going to address another issue which is just as equally important to me– harm reduction. What is harm reduction and what application does it have for sexuality in general and sex therapy in particular?
First, let me say that my introduction to the field of sex therapy was in harm reduction, so all of my work is firmly rooted through this lens. Initially I volunteered and then worked in several harm reduction facilities in the city conducting outreach to homeless intravenous (IV) drug users, street prostitutes, and transgendered individuals. For example, I would go into Tomkins Square Park in the village and trade clean needles for old, dirty ones. I always wore an ID badge to make sure I wasn’t arrested. I would go into known prostitution areas and hand out fresh condoms to mitigate the chances of them contacting STDs. If they were ready for help, I’d bring them back to the facility and connect them with a benefits counselor who would assist them with getting sober and finding housing and any other necessities they needed.
According to psychologist Andrew Tatarsky at the Center for Optimal Living, harm reduction is “a philosophy and set of interventions that seek to reduce harmful consequences of substance use and other risky behaviors without requiring abstinence.” Without requiring abstinence? What is that about? I think an important point here, and one that many harm reduction theorists and practitioners would argue, is that abstinence doesn’t work for everyone. Or […]

Sexuality and Censorship

Earlier this month, UK anti-porn advocates won a monumental and far-reaching victory when the UK government passed the Audiovisual Media Services Regulations 2014, in which a whole host of sexual acts are now banned from British porn, based on what the board deems as “content that is not acceptable.”  I will get into the list of taboo acts in a moment, but first I think it is important to take a look at what this ruling means. In my opinion, it sets an extremely dangerous precedent, in which some third party or government body can effectively censor anything that they may subjectively object to, even if the material is consensual and harms no one.

Avant-garde Yugoslav film director Dusan Makavejev created films in the 1970s focusing on the intersection between government, society, and sexuality. In his work, he raised a critical eye towards authority and its desire, or more like incessant drive, to eradicate and suppress all freedom and dissent. For his efforts, he was persecuted and eventually blacklisted. As Makavejev so deftly shows in his films, the first line of suppression for any authoritarian government is one of the key sources of our human creativity, inspiration, and personal sense of freedom– our sexuality. History shows that as soon as an authoritarian government rises to power, one of the first things to go is human sexual rights.

Take a look around at the world, and you can see for yourself the crackdown of human sexuality imposed by authoritarian and dictatorial regimes– Egypt’s gay community targeted by government crackdown http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/apr/17/egypt-gay-community-fears-government-crackdown , Russia’s institutional violence and discrimination towards gays http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/religious-right-leader-backs-russian-cra , Uganda’s anti-homosexuality legislation http://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-29994678 , […]

Sexuality and Self Destructive Behavior

I’ve written many times before about all of the wonderfully positive aspects of sexuality, but I cannot examine the totality of sexual experience without acknowledging that some individuals can and do use sexuality for destructive purposes. Often as clinicians, we will see these destructive acts in the form of self-destruction– risky sexual behaviors in which the individual can end up badly hurt, dead, or in jail. Often these destructive behaviors are compulsively performed in the face of, and even due to the threat, of these dangers. In other words, the danger itself is what makes the behavior so arousing. I don’t think it’s enough though to simply understand that self-destruction is arousing. That makes it seem like any other kind of fetish or sexual proclivity. Rather, I think the other salient point to understand about this behavior, is that the individual believes that they are worthy of self-destruction. In other words, the individual may be aroused by destruction (or the “death drive” as Freud called it), but for him to continue seeking self-destruction, he must believe that this is what he deserves. So, fundamentally, if we are to try and change this individual’s self-destructive behavior, we must seek to change his relationship to himself.

Destructive behaviors of any kind, whether they are sexual or not, usually if not always involve underlying aggression. And as I’ve discussed in numerous other posts, aggression is fueled by anger and rage. So, destruction of any kind is fueled by anger, which is a simple enough observation. But it becomes an important consideration to keep in mind when understanding destructive […]

Mindfulness and Sexuality

One of the most important topics that I address with clients is the subject of mindfulness. To understand the importance of mindfulness, particularly when it comes to sexuality, let’s first take a look at what it is and what it isn’t. Many people confuse mindfulness with some sort of meditation practice, such as Zen or Vipassana. While it is true that meditation builds and fosters mindfulness, one can practice mindfulness without engaging in any of the meditative traditions. So what is mindfulness? It is defined as “the intentional, accepting and non-judgmental focus of one’s attention on the emotions, thoughts and sensations occurring in the present moment.” This can occur within a meditative practice, or just throughout the day, as one observes oneself while at work, sitting on the train, eating, or engaging in interactions with others. The most important aspect of this kind of self-observation is acceptance and non-judgmentalness. I’ll say this once more, because it bears repeating. Acceptance. Non-judgmentalness.

What does this have to do with sexuality? Everything. Often when we find ourselves struggling with some aspect of our sexuality, what is actually going on is that we are fighting ourselves. What I mean is that sexual performance, sexual desire, sexual arousal, and so on, come naturally. We don’t have to think about it. It just happens. But when we are experiencing sexual difficulties, we may be pressing too hard, putting undue pressure and stress on results, tensing our pelvis and surrounding muscles, or just fighting off the natural emotions that arise. In other words, we are going against the current, and not allowing ourselves the experience […]

Why Thoughts, Feelings, and Fantasies Differ From Behavior

One of the biggest sources of confusion and alarm for clients is when they find themselves struggling with various sexual thoughts, feelings, or fantasies that feel foreign to them or add odds with their values. This is a significant source of distress for many individuals, and one that arises from a lack of understanding of how the human mind works. As a result, folks with these concerns may find themselves feeling out of control, fearful of their own desires, and self-identifying themselves as sex addicts. The good news is that sexual thoughts, feelings, and fantasies, now matter how outlandish, are often normal byproducts of the human mind, and rarely, if ever lead to acting out on them.

In my work with my clients, I often find that defusing some of the stigma around these internal sexual preoccupations helps to lighten the weight and pressure surrounding them. Often the biggest source of distress is not the fantasy itself, but the meaning that the individual ascribes to it. For more on the meaning of sexual fantasies, take a look here. Things may tend to feel more out of control if they seem monumental with importance, infused with pressure, and viewed as dangerous or pathological. For example, someone with chest pain may easily feel overwhelmed and out of control, fearing the worst case outcome of a heart attack, but will feel significant relief and sense of self-agency if he or she learns that the pain is merely heartburn. This is how our human mind works. When we fear and dread the worst, we are much more likely to […]

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Prevention: Is Sex Addiction Real?

Great article in Prevention Magazine about the sex addiction controversy. Check out what I had to say. https://www.prevention.com/sex/a21969931/sex-addiction-signs/

Romper: Emotional Infidelity

Romper approached me again for another quote, this time about emotional infidelity. https://www.romper.com/p/if-your-partner-has-done-these-7-things-they-might-have-committed-emotional-infidelity-12803527

Fatherly: BDSM More Common Than You Think

Interesting piece in Fatherly about BDSM in which I was interviewed. https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/bdsm-kinky-sex-not-uncommon/

E! Online: Marrying a Murderer

E! News picked up my an interview I did with Vice a few years ago about hybristophilia, which is the attraction to criminals. Very interesting story. https://www.eonline.com/news/979800/marrying-a-murderer-the-women-who-fall-in-love-with-men-behind-bars

Who Magazine: What is Bisexuality?

Who is Australia's version of People Magazine. They wanted to know what bisexuality is and I provided some insight. https://www.who.com.au/what-is-bisexual

CNN: Why Men May Exaggerate Their Sex Numbers

Seems like something doesn't add up on sex surveys-- are men exaggerating their number of partners? Check out what I tell CNN. https://www.cnn.com/2018/09/06/health/number-of-sex-partners-kerner/index.html

Women’s Health: 10 Kinky Sex Ideas

Women's Health asked me for some kinky ideas to spice up one's sex life. https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a22863334/kinky-sex-ideas/

Romper: 5 Easy Postpartum Sex Positions

NY Post: How Tattoos Can Sabotage Your Love Life

I was interviewed by the NY Post about all the ways in which I've seen bad tattoos sabotage relationships. https://nypost.com/2018/04/25/how-tattoos-can-sabotage-your-love-life/

Allure: 8 BDSM Sex Tips to Try If You’re a Total Beginner

Allure Magazine asked me about tips for BDSM beginners. https://www.allure.com/story/bondage-sex-tips-for-bdsm-beginners

Romper: 7 Mental Health Benefits Of Orgasms, As If You Need An Excuse

Salon.com: On Pornhub you can search anything: Politicians, pop stars, even fidget spinners

I answer questions from Salon.com about the infamous porn site PornHub. www.salon.com/2018/01/20/on-pornhub-you-can-search-anything-politicians-pop-stars-even-fidget-spinners/

NY Post: Why having sex when you’re tired can ruin your relationship

I tell NY Post that it's not a good idea to keep trying to have sex when you are exhausted. https://nypost.com/2017/12/27/why-having-sex-when-youre-tired-can-ruin-your-relationship/

Women’s Health: Can You Really Be Addicted To Sex? Here’s Everything You Should Know

I explained to Women's Health my position on why sex addiction is not the most accurate label to describe sexually compulsive behavior. https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/what-is-sex-addiction  

Cosmopolitan: 7 Signs You Might Be Hard-Wired for Monogamy

I tell Cosmo about the personality traits of monogamous individuals. http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a12454448/signs-you-need-monogamy/

Refinery29: So You’ve Been Faking Orgasms — & Now You Want To Stop

I explain to Refinery29 why it's so important to not fake orgasms in a relationship. http://www.refinery29.com/stop-faking-orgasms-during-sex-advice

Women’s Health: Exactly How To Ask If The Person You’re Dating Is Sleeping With Other People

Interesting piece in Women's Health where I am interviewed on how to ask someone your dating about their own dating habits. https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/is-he-seeing-other-people

Refinery29: After Being Friends With Benefits, Can You Ever Go Back To Just Friends?

I am interviewed by Refinery29 about "Friends with Benefits" relationships. http://www.refinery29.com/sex-buddy-friend-with-benefits-break-up

CNN: What counts as ‘cheating’ in the digital age?

I discuss the difference between privacy and secrecy in this CNN piece on infidelity. http://www.cnn.com/2017/05/16/health/cheating-internet-sex-kerner/

Men’s Fitness: 5 ways porn can affect your relationship

I am interviewed in this fairly nuanced piece on the pros and cons of porn. http://www.mensfitness.com/women/sex-tips/5-ways-porn-can-affect-your-relationship

Fatherly: 6 Quiet Sex Positions That Won’t Wake The Kids

I provide tips to new fathers on how they can keep the sex going even when they need to keep quiet. https://www.fatherly.com/love-and-money/sex-and-intimacy/6-quiet-sex-positions/

Headspace: How To Get Out of Your Head to Enjoy Sex More

I am interviewed by Headspace, one of the best meditation and mindfulness apps available, on how to become more present. https://www.headspace.com/blog/2017/05/26/enjoy-sex-more/

Business Insider: How Often Do Happy Couples Have Sex?

I am interviewed in this intriguing Business Insider article on how often happy couples have sex. http://www.businessinsider.com/how-much-happy-couples-have-sex-relationship-2017-5

Huffington Post: Why You Need to Remove ‘Sex Addiction’ From Your Vocabulary

The Huffington Post in South Africa profiles my work around challenging sex addiction (including my red/yellow/green menu exercise) . http://www.huffingtonpost.co.za/marlene-wasserman/lets-replace-sex-addiction-with-out-of-control-behaviour_a_22074923/

Women’s Health: 5 Sex Positions To Try If You Are Bored

I provide some "technical" advice in this Women's Health piece. http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/tabletop-sex-positions

Refinery 29: What To Do If You Get a Panic Attack During Sex

I provide some tips for people struggling with panic attacks. http://www.refinery29.com/panic-attacks-during-sex-tips

VICE: Differences Between Men’s and Women’s Sex Toys

Women’s Health: How Can I Tell If I’m a Squirter?

I am interviewed by Women's Health about squirting and what it is. http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/how-to-tell-if-you-can-squirt

Refinery 29: Turned on by Blood

I am asked by Refinery 29 to comment on why people may be aroused by blood. http://www.refinery29.com/blood-play-sexual-fetish-tips

Refinery 29: Piercing Fetish

I am featured in this very intriguing article on fetishes related to piercing and "needle play." http://www.refinery29.com/genital-piercing-sexual-fetish

The Tab: What Happens When Your Boyfriend Leaves You For Another Man?

I give some insight into this interesting topic. https://thetab.com/us/2017/03/22/happens-boyfriend-leaves-another-man-63306

Independent (UK): What the Future of Porn Looks Like For Women

I am featured in this outstanding article in UK's Independent on women and virtual reality porn. I thought this was a fairly sharp and nuanced piece. http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/porn-future-sex-dolls-vr-adult-films-women-actresses-virtual-reality-a7640071.html

VICE: Uptick in Dominatrix and Porn Use Since Trump

Recent reports have indicated that there has been an uptick in demand for dominatrixes since Trump took office. I give my insight on this topic to Vice.com https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/vvjew4/dominatrixes-and-porn-sites-report-a-huge-bdsm-uptick-since-trump-became-president

Redbook: What To Do If Your Husband Wants a Threesome

I give Redbook some pointers on having a 3some for the first time. http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/sex/news/a46151/how-to-have-a-threesome/

Maxim: Why Some Women are Turned On By Looking at Themselves

Playboy Compares 50 Shades with My Research

Playboy sent a journalist to watch Fifty Shades Darker, and then compared the movie with the results from my recent groundbreaking research on BDSM. Great article, enjoy! http://www.playboy.com/articles/fifty-shades-darker-review

Refinery 29: Autosexuality

I was interviewed in Refinery29 about autosexuality, a little known and poorly understood sexual orientation. http://www.refinery29.com/2017/02/141054/turn-yourself-on-mirror-sex

The Independent (UK) Feature on My Book Modern Sexuality

The Independent, one of the UK's biggest magazine ran an entire feature profiling my new book Modern Sexuality, in light of new proposed UK laws on porn and sexuality. Great analysis, definitely check this article out. http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/sex-kink-shaming-porn-preferences-society-not-as-sexually-liberated-as-it-thinks-a7579496.html

CNN: Is Fifty Shades a Boon or Bust for Kink?

I was interviewed for this CNN article, exploring the impact of the Fifty Shades trilogy on contemporary sexual life. http://www.cnn.com/2017/02/10/health/fifty-shades-kink-sex-kerner/

New York Magazine: Should Shame Be Used to Treat Sexual Compulsions?

I am featured in this terrific New York Magazine article, discussing some of the finer points brought up in the earlier article in SELF magazine (see listing below). http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2017/01/should-shame-be-used-to-treat-sexual-compulsions.html

Self: How to Treat Sex Addiction When You Don’t Think It Exists

I am featured in this terrific article in SELF magazine on the nuances of the sex addiction debate. http://www.self.com/story/sex-addiction-treatment-therapy

Refinery29: 10 Ways to Tell Your Partner About Your Kink

I appear in this very informative article on revealing sexual desires to one's partner. http://www.refinery29.com/kinky-sex-how-to-talk-about-fetishes#slide

Complex: Is Unsafe Sex the Latest Kink

Complex asked me to weigh in on this provocative topic. http://www.complex.com/life/2017/01/putting-yourself-at-risk-for-stds

Vice: The Cost of Losing Your Virginity Late

I appear in Vice.com, discussing an important but poorly understand subject. https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/the-cost-of-losing-your-virginity-late

Cosmopolitan: Why I Slept With a Married Man

I was asked by Cosmo to comment on this provocative subject. http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a8524853/cheating-with-married-men/

Men’s Fitness: January ‘Sex Files’ Q&A

Check out my responses in my sex column 'Sex Files' in the Jan issue of Men's Fitness magazine.

CNN: Is Sex Addiction Real?

I'm interviewed, along with a number of my colleagues, in this great CNN article on a controversial topic. http://www.cnn.com/2016/12/14/health/sex-addiction-real-or-not-kerner/

Thrillist: Signs He’s Undateable

I weigh in in this great advice column in Thrillist by Elle Stanger. https://www.thrillist.com/sex-dating/nation/relationship-advice-from-a-stripper

Men’s Fitness: November ‘Sex Files’ Q&A

Check out my answers in my Men's Fitness column 'Sex Files' in the Nov 2016 issue.    

Future of Sex Podcast: Exploring Sexual Fluidity

Great episode, check it out. https://soundcloud.com/futureofsex/04-exploring-sexual-fluidity-bicuriousity-for-women-featuring-skirt-club-and-dr-michael-aaron

Broadly: ‘Sleep Incompatible’ Couples

I give couples advice on how to deal with differences in preferred sleeping arrangements. https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/when-the-sex-is-great-but-you-suck-at-sleeping-next-to-each-other

Self Magazine: 9 Things Everyone Gets Wrong About BDSM

I debunk myths about BDSM in this SELF magazine article. http://www.self.com/story/bdsm-facts

Alternet: What Makes People Kinky?

Alternet does a great job of reviewing my book. Check out the link below. http://www.alternet.org/sex-amp-relationships/what-makes-people-kinky

Nothing Off Limits Podcast

In this episode, we talk about the societal myths of sexuality, including:
  1.  the false belief that sexuality is learned and can be changed,
  2.  that non-normative sexual behavior is pathological,
  3. that healthy sexuality involves intimacy,
  4. that intimacy is easily defined and mean the same to everyone, and
  5. that sexual behavior must have a clearly defined purpose.
We also discuss:
  • harm reduction
  • epigenetics
  • BDSM
  • fetishes
  • partialisms
  • polyamory
  • the darker aspects of psychotherapy when it comes to homosexuality
  • Dr. Aaron’s opinion on the book and movie ’50 Shades of Grey’
  • mismatched desire in couples…and a lot more.
Check it out by clicking the link below! http://ladyfoxentertainment.com/2016/11/06/dr-michael-aaron-on-his-book-modern-sexuality-the-truth-about-sex-and-relationships/

Alternet: Why We’re Still Hot for Erotic Literature

I weigh in on why people still enjoy erotic literature. Click the link below. http://www.alternet.org/sex-amp-relationships/porn-paper-why-were-still-hot-erotic-literature

Playboy Reviews My Book Modern Sexuality

What a great review! Playboy says Modern Sexuality is incredible! Click the link to check out the review. http://www.playboy.com/articles/in-2016-kinky-sex-is-the-new-norm

Mike E & Emma Australian Radio Show

I was asked to appear on Australian radio. It was a very fun segment, will post the link when I have it!

Cosmopolitan: Meet the Guys Obsessed with the Smell of Vagina

I was asked by Cosmo why some men may love the smell of vagina. It's kind of an off-the-wall topic, but apparently many people are interested in learning about this! http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a5235300/guys-who-love-the-smell-vagina/

Stereo-Typed Podcast: Dancing With Your Shadow

I appear on the Stereo-Typed podcast to discuss my new book, fantasies, and our shadow self. Click the audio player below and enjoy! https://www.spreaker.com/user/crazyheart/stereo-typed-8-dancing-with-your-shadow

The Boom Doctors Podcast

I appear on the Boom Doctors Podcast to discuss my new book Modern Sexuality and my work as a sex therapist. Clink the link below to listen in. http://theboomdoctors.com/2016/09/21/ep-132-michael-aaron-on-his-work-as-a-sex-therapist-his-new-book-modern-sexuality/

Nylon: The Porn You Watch Does Not Define You

I was asked by Nylon Magazine to weigh in on the subject of porn and what it means about the individual consumer. Pretty good non-pathologizing piece, check it out here: http://www.nylon.com/articles/porn-habits-relationship

Vocativ: Is VR Porn the Future of Sex Therapy?

I was interviewed by Vocativ about a new virtual reality series entitled "Virtual Sexology," designed to provide breathing and relaxation exercises in a virtual reality format to help individuals improve sexual functioning. Will something like this prove effective? The jury is out, but check out what I had to say... http://www.vocativ.com/347885/badoink-vr-sex-therapy/

Fusion Network: What is ‘Healthy’ When It Comes to Porn

I appeared on the nationally broadcasted Fusion Network Hotline show to discuss the GOP platform of porn as a "public health crisis." As part of the discussion I debate Dr. Neil Malamuth on porn and sexual violence. I thought this was a very thorough and productive half hour, which you can watch below:

Broadly– Fatal Attraction: The Women Who Love Serial Killers

In this "edgy" and "piercing" piece,  I was asked by Broadly about why certain people might attracted to the allure of dangerous individuals. The article covers a lot of ground, including harm reduction strategies, so definitely take a moment to check it out: https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/hybristophilia-fatal-attraction-the-women-who-love-serial-killers

Vocativ: Best Mattresses for “Sex-Having”

I guess this must be a serious issue, as Vocativ tends to focus on reporting on trending topics. At any rate, people seem to really want to know what is the best kind of mattress for having sex, so naturally Vocativ got in touch with me to find out. Take a look: http://www.vocativ.com/339728/hey-sex-havers-heres-how-you-should-choose-your-next-mattress/

Huffington Post: 7 Ways to Save Your Sexless Marriage

In this Huffington Post article, I advise couples to use sex menus to spice things up. Check out all the details in the link below. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-to-save-your-sexless-marriage-according-to-sex-therapists_us_57740608e4b0cc0fa1362d64

WBAI 99.5FM NYC Radio interview part 2

In the second episode we focus solely on clinical issues, including how I work with issues around desire discrepancy. I cover a lot of substantive and actionable material here, much of which I also include in my upcoming book.
Enjoy!

WBAI 99.5FM NYC Radio interview part 1

I recently appeared on WBAI 99.5FM NYC radio. We had so much material, we stretched it into 2 hours spanning 2 separate shows.
In this first episode we focus on sexological issues, including sex addiction and then the last 40 min or so were almost completely focused on transgender issues. We also get into some other topics such as newly formed identities such as "otherkin" and the "transabled" and I took some calls from some trans folks. It was a blast.

French TV Canal +: Financial Domination

I appeared on French national tv channel Canal + on the Emission Antoine tv show, discussing the psychology behind financial domination. I will post a video clip of the interview shortly.

Alternet: Why Trans Porn is Hugely Popular Among Hetero Men

Many people have been wondering about this subject and I weigh in with all the details in this Alternet article on why trans porn is so damn popular with straight guys. http://www.alternet.org/sex-amp-relationships/why-trans-porn-hugely-popular-among-hetero-men . I also provide some resources and citations to get the conversation started on this compelling topic.
From the article: "Aaron introduced us to the concept of 'queer heterosexuality,' or more fluid and non-binary expression of heterosexual identity. Some hope opening up the discussion will 'begin to give voice and legitimacy to the queerness that exists within the straight male world,' as one study puts it."

Women’s Health: 5 Ways to Make Sex With Condoms Feel So Much Better

I was recently interviewed in Women's Health Magazine on different strategies to make sex with condoms feel better. The title is pretty self explanatory. Check it out! http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/condom-sex-tips

Huffington Post: Love + Sex Podcast

I was interviewed on Huffington Post's Love + Sex Podcast, which I'm told is the most downloaded sex and relationship podcast on iTunes. In this episode, I dispel the wild myths about "sex roulette" parties. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/sex-roulette-parties-podcast_us_57504bbae4b0ed593f136ca0

Nylon: 10 Things We Learned at an Alt Sex Conference

Check out this very "edgy" writeup of the AltSex NYC Conference from last April by Nylon Magazine. Sample quote: "Not only did Aaron put forth that it’s okay and healthy to enjoy edge play, but he spoke of it’s healing potential, sharing that some sexual assault survivors he has worked with found healing and enjoyment through rape fantasies with someone they trust. It’s an extremely delicate and tricky subject, as a sexual assault survivor myself, while totally supportive of rape fantasy roleplaying, such activities have to absolutely be done with someone you trust and can run a risk of re-traumatizing, a risk Aaron fully acknowledged." http://www.nylon.com/articles/things-we-learned-at-alt-sex-conference#page-1

The Sexual Reawakening Summit

I was interviewed for an upcoming online sexuality discussion series, the Sexual Reawakening Summit. It features many top sex therapists from around the country and you can access it by using this link: http://sexualreawakening.org/michael/

Men’s Fitness: April “Sex Files” Q&A Column

In the April edition of my Men's Fitness 'Sex Files' Q&A column, I answer questions about anal sex and porn. Hurry and pick up a copy before it's off the stands! April Sex Files

Women’s Health: 5 Sex Moves That Flow Seamlessly into New Positions

I was asked by Women's Health Magazine to provide some advise on how to incorporate some new positions to spice up one's sex life. With a bunch of pictures and diagrams, I'm sure you'll find something that will intrigue you. http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/sex-positions-that-transition-easily  

AlterNet: A Surprising Number of Men are Renting Digital Girlfriends

I weigh in on this piece on Alternet about technology and the future of relationships. It's a good read overall, and here's a choice quote from me that may peak your interest: Psychotherapist Aaron says, “A lot of men may feel ashamed or embarrassed or uncomfortable talking about or revealing certain sexual fantasies that they have with a partner. For a lot of men, porn is a private way to explore their own sexuality. It’s nonjudgmental, and it’s not shaming. I think that’s a big draw.” According to Aaron, landing a virtual girlfriend provides the same kind of appeal. http://www.alternet.org/sex-amp-relationships/future-online-dating-just-dating-virtually

New York Magazine Covers the 1st Annual Alt Sex NYC Conference

New York Magazine sent a reporter to attend the conference I created and co-produced, the 1st Annual Alt Sex NYC Conference, and came away with three key things they learned from the event. Enjoy! http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2016/04/3-insights-about-kinky-and-nonmonogamous-sex.html

Yahoo News picks up Reuters article on Sexual Perfectionism

Looks like Yahoo News picked up the Reuters article on women's fears that their partners expect sexual perfectionism. Check it out. https://www.yahoo.com/news/sex-no-fun-think-partner-perfectionist-215424209.html

Reuters: Sex is No Fun When You Think You’re Partner is a Perfectionist

My latest interview with Reuters, this time about social pressure on women to be perfect sexually. "Our society is filled with sexual myths and misconceptions, mostly stemming from a combination of our culture's puritanical roots, as well as rampant consumerism, which feeds off individual insecurities to sell unnecessary products," Aaron said. http://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-sexuality-perfectionism-idUSKCN0XA2LU

NY Post Picks Up Reuters Article About Kinky Sex

Remember that Reuters article about kinky sex (see below)? Looks like the NY Post is also covering it as well. Check it out: http://nypost.com/2016/03/18/lots-of-people-like-the-kinky-sex-psychologists-call-abnormal/

Reuters: Lots of People Like Kinky Sex Psychologists Call Abnormal

I was asked by news agency Reuters to weigh in on a recent Canadian study of 1000 inhabitants of Quebec, in which nearly half of respondents stated that they enjoyed some form of kinky sex. I pulled no punches with my comments, found towards the end of the piece. Enjoy! The original academic journal article can be found here: http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2016.1139034. The news article can be seen here: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-sex-norms-idUSKCN0WK2HZ

Sex with Timaree Podcast: Discussing the 1st Annual AltSex NYC Conference

Want to know more about what the AltSex NYC Conference is all about? I appear with my co-organizer, Dulcinea Pitagora, on the Sex with Timaree show, a popular podcast, to discuss numerous things including how the conference was created and what attendees can expect. Click on the link below to check it out: https://sexwithtimareepodcast.wordpress.com/2016/02/29/ep236-the-upcoming-alt-sex-nyc-conference-sex-with-timaree-altsexnyc-2/

Prevention Magazine: 9 Sex Secrets Every Sex Therapist Knows (And You Should, Too)

I was featured in this very eye-catching article in Prevention Magazine. Typical relationship stuff. You gotta spice it up, keep things interesting, schedule dates, etc. Some interesting tidbits, but overall, it's worth checking out. http://www.prevention.com/sex/advice-and-secrets-from-sex-therapists

“The Sex Files”: My New Monthly Q&A Column in Men’s Fitness Magazine

Head out to the newsstands and grab a copy of the Jan 2016 issue of Men's Fitness Magazine to see the premier of the new monthly "Sex Files" column in which I answer readers' sex questions. In this month's issue I answer a question in which a guy is looking to help his girlfriend enjoy more pleasure when she is having sex on top. Check out the screenshot below to see my response: AskSexJan-Feb

CNN: What It Means to Be Pansexual

I was asked by CNN to weigh in on what it means to be "pansexual." Here's an excerpt from my interview:

"It is a broad word, and that is because people want to have the freedom to self-identify any way they want without being labeled by anyone else," said psychotherapist and sex therapist Michael Aaron.

"It has cultural resonance because it is so broad and allows for so much flexibility and choice."

For the entire story click here: http://www.cnn.com/2015/11/09/living/pansexual-feat/

Love&- 5 Things Wives Want Their Husbands to Know about Sex

Love& is a new magazine about relationships and sex. They interviewed me about common things that women may want their guys to improve upon in the bedroom. One of the big ones is touch, as a lot of men are way too rough and don't know how to adjust their touch to what their partner wants. For more on this, and other pointers, check out the article itself below: http://loveand.com/sex/5-things-wives-want-their-husbands-to-know-about-sex/

Thrillist: 5 “Terrifying” Sexual Disorders You Didn’t Know Existed

Despite the alarming headline, I was asked by lifestyle website the Thrillist to discuss a bunch of sexual issues that folks out there may encounter, such as Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder (PGAD), sexsomnia and phimosis (when the foreskin does not fully retract and may cause pain). Much of what I said was cut out (as sometimes happens) but I get in a few good points on phimosis at the tail end. Phimosis is an issue I've encountered frequently enough with my male clients, so it's definitely worth a read. https://www.thrillist.com/sex-dating/nation/5-terrifying-sexual-disorders-you-didnt-know-existed

Vice.com: Cash Slaves

I am featured in the newly released Vice documentary, "Cash Slaves." This is a very edgy and provocative look at the underground world of Financial Domination (Findom). As usual, I wanted to provide a fair and balanced portrait of the subject matter and make sure that the material was not pathologized. Findom is regarded by many to be an extreme fetish and definitely touches upon some very gray areas. Take a look at the video below and you can come to your own conclusions!  

Men’s Fitness Magazine Advisory Board

I have recently been chosen to be on the Advisory Board of Men's Fitness Magazine. As part of that, I will be popping in now and then to answer reader questions. It's possible my role will expand in the future, and there have been discussions to that effect, but for the meantime, I will keep everyone posted when they can pick up an issue to see my responses in print.

Wall St Journal: The Future of Virtual Reality Porn

Market analysts predict that new virtual reality technology will revolutionize the way we experience media, and will specifically boost the porn industry to unprecedented levels. This detailed article covers a lot of ground, addressing both the technology, business and social ramifications of virtual reality porn. I was asked to give my take on the issue and somehow a 20 minute phone conversation was distilled to a brief paragraph at the end of the piece, but nonetheless, it is still a worthwhile read. http://www.marketwatch.com/story/how-the-future-of-virtual-reality-depends-on-porn-2015-07-15?

NY Times: Women of the World

Does Bill Cosby have a fetish for unconscious women? Who knows? He's not a client and I've never met him, so I cannot say for sure, but this provocative piece in the NY Times tries to get to the bottom of his alleged bizarre behavior. The reporter did a great job dealing with some uncomfortable material,  so be sure to click the link below to see what I had to say on this issue: http://nytlive.nytimes.com/womenintheworld/2015/07/10/why-did-bill-cosby-want-to-have-sex-with-comatose-women/

Men’s Fitness- July 2015

I was recently asked by a reporter from Men's Fitness magazine to discuss reasons why a heterosexual man might refrain from having sex with a willing woman. The questions were basically soft balls, seemingly aimed at a younger, more inexperienced, male audience, but hey, I managed to drop a few decent pointers, relating to finding out if the woman is in a relationship, and if so, what kind of relationship she is in before diving in. If you want to take a look and poke around more, you can go directly to the article below. You are going to have to click to page 3 to see my quotes, btw. http://www.mensfitness.com/women/dating-advice/5-reasons-you-shouldnt-have-sex-her/slide/2

Huffington Post: Most Common Sex Problems

I was recently interviewed for a piece in the Huffington Post about common sex problems. Entitled "The Most Common Problems People Have in Bed, According to Sex Experts", the article interviews a number of sex therapists about the most common cases they see in their practice. I indicated that lack of sexual desire rated pretty high, and they kind of bunched it up under the the umbrella of "mismatched sexual desires", which when it comes to couples is definitely fair enough. Solid piece all around, and written by a gifted writer who has a number of other interesting articles on the site. Definitely check it out: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/03/common-sex-problems-experts_n_5978560.html?1415023230

Men’s Health- Building the Perfect Sex Machine

I was recently interviewed for a Men's Health article on sex toys designed for men. They wanted to know my take on these "robotic masturbators" (as they called them) and as always, I tried to take a fair and balanced view of things. I pointed out that they could be used as a way to get better acquainted with one's sexuality (as well as get some much needed relief), but an over-reliance on technology may also limit guys from developing the necessary skills that would help them form romantic relationships. At any rate, hurry on over to the article here-- Building the Perfect Sex Machine-- and you can form your own conclusions and decide for yourself.

Upscale Magazine- May 2014 Issue

Go check out a great, and I mean GREAT, absolutely fascinating article in the May issue of Upscale Magazine, entitled "Secret Lovers," in which I am interviewed regarding the hush hush world of the swinger subculture.  The writer does a really good job of trying to understand the psychology of folks who practice consensual non-monogamy and I think the piece is very even-handed, with some practical tips for couples who are curious about dipping their toes in the lifestyle. I'll leave you with a quote from one of the swingers profiled in the piece, which I think gives a good feel for the tone and depth of the article-- "I love to see her with two guys and two girls at once. I enjoy submissive women, and there is no sexier submission than to watch my wife please me by pleasing others."  If that sounds interesting, then I suggest you head out and grab a copy. It's well worth the read.

Cosmo- April 2014

I am featured in the Sex Q&A section of Cosmo's April 2014 issue, in which I get asked about BJs, Plan B, sex in hot tubs, and all kinds of other tittilating reader questions. They did a good job of adding all kinds of humor, including a silly picture of tea bags-- need I say more? It's a can't- miss hoot. Go and check it out at news stands now!

Sex For Smart People Podcast

I just recently did an interview for a cool podcast called Sex For Smart People. Here is their description of the show: Sex therapist/psychoanalyst Dr. Michael Aaron is our guest of honor this time. Hear his and our perspectives on things like: What to do when you feel less ravenous about sex than your partner feels? Is it really honestly possible to feel coziness/familiarity and also sexiness/mystery/excitement in a long term partnership? How do you begin to talk to your partner about your interest in power play? (Trigger warning, around the half hour mark, we talk explicitly about rape fantasies.) And did you know that *just this past year*, kinky behavior was officially de-pathologized in clinical psychology terms (we think it is about f*****g time)? Plus, Dave is super silly and time)? Plus, Dave is super silly and loopy on NyQuil, and he and Stephanie share their favorite pick-up lines. [audio mp3="https://www.drmichaelaaronnyc.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Episode-7-Relationships-Are-Something-You-Do-Not-Something-You-Have.mp3"][/audio]