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Why Couples Therapy is the Most Powerful Type of Therapy

After many years of being a psychotherapist, specializing primarily in sexuality and relationships, it has become more and more clear that some of the most powerful changes I’ve observed have occurred in the context of couples therapy. Certainly many forms of therapy are helpful, but I think there are a few specific reasons why couples (or any kind of relationship) therapy seems most powerful.

First and foremost, being in a healthy relationship forces people to change. Psychologist David Schnarch called relationships a “crucible” for this very reason– they act as an intense pressure cooker on individuals within the system. Because of this, couples therapy has certain advantages over individual therapy. Individuals that want to make a relationship work must learn to empathize, collaborate, and compromise with others, something that does not come easily for many. These flaws are more readily disguised in individual therapy since I may only see the person one time a week for 45 min and these kinds of situations obviously do not as commonly arise as they do in relationships where people see each other all the time. Couples therapy imposes a demand on individuals to change in order to have a more successful relationship, or else choose to move on and terminate the relationship. Such demands for change are not as evident in individual therapy.

Along these lines, within the context of couples therapy, I can receive more than one input of information. In individual therapy, people often present their single perspective, which is often biased (why wouldn’t it be), so as a therapist, I am working with limited information. I have […]

Sex Addiction or Sexual Compulsivity?

For those unaware, one of the most hotly contested issues in sex therapy is whether or not sex addiction is a useful diagnosis and whether it even actually exists as a distinct addictive process in the first place. This controversy receives lots of coverage in the media and I am often contacted by journalists for expert opinions (check out this recent article in Prevention Magazine, for example, it’s pretty good).

I don’t think that anyone argues that sexual behavior can be problematic or feel “out of control.” Indeed, the Out of Control Sexual Behavior (OCSB) model is gaining a lot of traction in therapist circles. The main concern with the sex addiction model, however, is that by placing sexuality alongside toxic and dangerous substances such as alcohol and hard drugs, it unduly stigmatizes sexual expression as inherently dangerous, taking us back to the Victorian dark ages of sexual repression. For this reason, one of the common criticisms of the sex addiction field is that clinicians untrained in human sexuality diagnose and pathologize individuals who stray from heteronormative and mononormative sexual expressions as struggling with mental pathology. Of course, there must be a middle ground between unquestioning validation and trigger-happy pathologization.  Earlier this summer, the World Health Organization (WHO) sought to find this median by releasing their latest International Classification of Diseases (ICD) 11.

There’s a lot that’s positive in the new ICD 11 classification, and also consistent with the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapist’s (AASECT) ‘s position statement on sex addiction (and I should know, I was one of four co-authors of the position statement). Let’s go through it […]

Moving Past Sexual Regrets

Over the years, I have been interviewed by countless magazines, newspapers, and other media outlets, but the one article that has garnered the most response and feedback by far is an interview I did with Vice in late 2016 on the subject of individuals that have lost their virginity later in life.  I have heard from people as far away as Germany and India for whom that article especially resonated. Indeed, the spotlight on communities of individuals who have experienced a crippling lack of sex has recently made headlines with the unfortunate car attack in Toronto by a self-described incel (involuntary celibate).

Going back to the Vice article (which you should definitely check out, it’s excellent), its main thesis is that individuals who missed out on the normal sexual experiences of early adulthood often feel like a tremendous part of their identity or self-esteem is missing, which then propels them to seek to soothe that hole by making up for a prior lack of sexual experiences. In this blog post, I will focus on those individuals who have regrets about missed sexual opportunities, but the same advice will hold true for anyone with any other kind of regrets.

I have often seen individuals who sought out sex workers as a means to catch up on their “numbers” and then opted for a self-diagnosed label of sex addiction when caught by a partner or spouse. Of course, this behavior is not a sign of addiction but rather an attempt to find validation, virility, and self-acceptance through sexual conquests. For this reason, a focus on sex as the main […]

Dealing with Anxiety About One’s Sexual Interests

Despite a very striking shift in our culture over the last several years towards more acceptance of diversity, I hear from many individuals every month that continue to struggle with discomfort around their sexual interests.  Often this anxiety stems from fantasies that these folks may find jarring, disturbing, or simply they are trying to make sense of. For previous articles on sexual fantasies, you can click here and here. As readers of this site well know, I always approach these situations from a nonjudgmental, collaborative, and humanistic perspective. While some fantasies or desires can be accounted for by some psychological need, many desires appear to be hard-wired and while we just don’t have enough strong scientific data to definitively assess whether kinks and fetishes are genetic, as I detailed in my book Modern Sexuality, new research appears to support that, in some people they may have an innate basis.

At any rate, etiology, while interesting, often provides little of value in the way of eliminating or suppressing that desire. This is because, regardless of etiology, much of our sexual desires have become hard-wired, either through a genetic component, or through endless repetition, or a mixture of both. Even if the content of the fantasies or desires seems to shift over time, the overarching theme stays omnipresent while the specifics may change. For example, someone who craves an experience of humiliation may imagine being verbally thrashed, but then those fantasies can shift towards elements containing bondage or physical impact. While the content seems to shift, the underlying motivation fueling the fantasy remains the same. (Note: there […]

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    Introducing New Alternative Relationships Certification Program

Introducing New Alternative Relationships Certification Program

As I’ve written about in numerous other places on this blog, one of the more common situations I see in my practice is when a couple has been destabilized or thrown into crisis due to a new revelation from one of the partners about their sexuality. Some years ago, the most common type of revelation involved orientation, in which typically the male partner would be discovered or would initiate disclosure that he was gay. This was more common back before the kind of social acceptance that we are privy to now, but I certainly still do work with a number of men that still struggle in their coming out process.

Nonetheless, these days I’m seeing more of a trend of “coming out” issues revolving around sexual interests such as kink/BDSM and nonmonogamy. Just as social mores around orientation have evolved, so has this social awareness affected other forms of sexuality, such as BDSM, polyamory, swinging, and other forms of non-traditional relationships. As part of this process, media, in the form of magazines, books, and television and film have shed light or even popularized such “alternative” types of relationships. With 50 Shades of Grey selling more than 125 million book copies and the movie version grossing more than $500 million at the box office, it is no surprise that a growing number of people are becoming more aware, less judgmental, and more curious to explore new sexual behaviors within their own lives. Much of my own work, including my book Modern Sexuality and my Psychology Today column, has been in the service of helping individuals process […]

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    The Difference Between Privacy and Secrecy and Why It Matters

The Difference Between Privacy and Secrecy and Why It Matters

Whether it is dealing with infidelity, shameful sexual desires, or a host of other reasons, I often see couples struggling with ways to bring up and discuss uncomfortable issues. Often these struggles center around confusion over the difference between privacy and secrecy, an issue that is often discussed in my office, and one that I think requires further examination. Partners may feel unnecessary overwhelming guilt over not divulging private things, while others may think that matters of secrecy don’t require any transparency. Both are mistakes with predictably negative outcomes. So let’s get into it by first defining both terms.

Privacy refers to matters that are not meant to be shared. These are issues that do not affect the relationship and may even be considered oversharing, as there is nothing positive, and perhaps even negative outcomes that can occur by bringing them up. A good example of this would be an erotic dream that an individual may have about an ex-lover. That dream may have strong emotional content and may certainly be worth examining further, but if the individual has no interest in seeing the ex again, then it really has no effect on the relationship. While discussing the dream with one’s partner may lead to an interesting conversation, it is not vital to the relationship, and may even backfire, as the partner may start feeling insecure or jealous about the nature of the dream. In other words, this is often a case of let sleeping dogs lie.

I have seen numerous situations where individuals get bogged down in guilt and self-flagellation over the things they have […]

OCD and Sexuality

Sexual addiction/compulsivity is a trendy diagnosis these days and I have written much on this topic here and here . However, some studies have indicated a cormobid diagnosis of OCD for many individuals struggling with compulsive sexual behavior. Indeed one of the most common situations I have seen in my practice, which in my opinion has often been self-diagnosed by clients as sex addiction, could more readily be called homosexual OCD or HOCD, in which case the entire established paradigm is completely wrong. I will go into this in more detail further down in this post, for the moment, the most important point is that OCD type symptoms can create a tremendous amount of sexual distress and are very poorly understood and as a result, diagnosed.

I’m going to assume that everyone reading this has a basic notion of what OCD means, but I think few people understand some of the underlying mechanisms fueling this disturbance. First and foremost, OCD sufferers experience a tremendous amount of fear, which might seem obvious as OCD has been historically categorized as an anxiety disorder (although in the DSM 5, the two are split into adjacent categories). But there’s a big difference between a general feeling of anxiety and a very deep and pointed fear. In the case of OCD, the sufferer fears something very specific, which the symptom itself only touches on superficially. In therapy, the client and therapist work together to dig deeper and figure this out. Often times the fear has less to do with sexuality itself and more to do with the underlying worry of being exposed, […]

The Intersection Between Personality and Sexuality

This article originally appeared on my blog on Psychology Today and discusses ways in which personality traits manifest in sexual tastes, preferences, and behaviors. It’s a bit more scientific than articles I typically publish on this site, which mainly focuses on my clinical work as a therapist; however, I thought a number of my readers would benefit from and enjoy reading it.


One of the most fascinating aspects of sexuality is in understanding where it comes from. Specifically, from where do differences in sexual orientation and preference arise? Mountains of research have been conducted on orientation, focused on understanding distinctions in brain size and anatomy, prenatal hormone surges, genetic variations, and even disparities in finger length. However, especially when it comes to preference (not orientation), physiology is just one part of the equation. Indeed, as I will argue here, personality is a key missing ingredient in understanding individual sexual proclivities.

Up until recently, not much has been written about sexuality and personality. What has been published has mostly come from a very psychoanalytic perspective, often equating deviations in sexuality (from a vanilla norm) to pathologies in personality. Only in the last few years has research emerged, studying specific sexual interests and corresponding personality traits from a rigorous, empirical framework. Let’s take a look at a few of these research studies and their implications. But before digging in, I think it’s important to take a deeper dive into understanding what personality is and how it is measured.

The most standard way of measuring personality is using a test called the Big Five Inventory (BFI). Decades of research have shown […]

Expanding the Window of Communication

As a therapist that specializes in sexuality and relationships, about half of my clients are couples. Sure, many of them have some sort of sexuality-related difficulty, but fundamentally more often than not, most of my clients have deep-seated communication problems that make further progress impossible. Invariably, these issues in communication narrow the range of possible discussion. Since these couples don’t have the tools to appropriately manage conflict, or they are too defensive or reactive about certain subjects, the list of prohibited conversation topics increases while the possibilities decrease.

Joe Overton, a public intellectual writing for the Mackinac Center of Public Policy, created a term known as the “Overton window” to describe the range of socially accepted public discussion. Overton theorized that politicians can only voice opinions within a narrow band inside the left to right political spectrum. Any politician who voiced an idea outside this range of acceptable opinions would see their career come to an abrupt end and experience ostracization. I often think of this socio-political phenomena as an appropriate metaphor for the difficulties my clients often experience. When I see troubled couples in my office, the Overton window is typically so small that the range of conversation has become limited to the most basic superficialities.  Instead of being able to negotiate common values, sexual desires, and fundamental concerns, they may only be left with rehashing plot lines from their favorite TV show. Just as political scholars might argue that a narrow Overton window is symptomatic of a troubled, dysfunctional society, so too, based on my clinical experience, a tiny Overton window is one of […]

How Partners Can Keep Connection Alive

When couples come into my office seeking to reconnect, they have often gone months or years drifting further and further apart. Unchecked, this process can leave them feeling like roommates living parallel lives, rather than engaged lovers. Under these circumstances, efforts to revive sparks often feel awkward, forced and unnatural. It’s hard to feel physically or emotionally close to someone with whom you have completely lost connection.

I think that time often plays an important role in these situations. The longer the relationship has drifted, the harder it is to get back on track. Take a look at my previous articles on this topic for greater depth. This particular article will focus more on preventative strategies to prevent relational drift, although these same behaviors can assist if the relationship has veered off course. Again, the further apart the partners have drifted and the more time that has elapsed, the harder it will feel to achieve actionable results. Patience and strong desire will be required for sustained improvement in these cases.

Fundamentally, one of the most important and powerful ways that we can show a strong interest in another person is to maintain our curiosity about that individual. Too often folks feel, after spending a number of years with a person, that they know everything there is to know, and they start to lose all sense of curiosity. But relationships are not stagnant. People never stay the same. Often one individual is experiencing a growth spurt, while the other may be in a holding pattern, never evolving much past the honeymoon phase. In these situations, the growing individual may seek […]

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Prevention: Is Sex Addiction Real?

Great article in Prevention Magazine about the sex addiction controversy. Check out what I had to say.

Romper: Emotional Infidelity

Romper approached me again for another quote, this time about emotional infidelity.

Fatherly: BDSM More Common Than You Think

Interesting piece in Fatherly about BDSM in which I was interviewed.

E! Online: Marrying a Murderer

E! News picked up my an interview I did with Vice a few years ago about hybristophilia, which is the attraction to criminals. Very interesting story.

Who Magazine: What is Bisexuality?

Who is Australia's version of People Magazine. They wanted to know what bisexuality is and I provided some insight.

CNN: Why Men May Exaggerate Their Sex Numbers

Seems like something doesn't add up on sex surveys-- are men exaggerating their number of partners? Check out what I tell CNN.

Women’s Health: 10 Kinky Sex Ideas

Women's Health asked me for some kinky ideas to spice up one's sex life.

Romper: 5 Easy Postpartum Sex Positions

NY Post: How Tattoos Can Sabotage Your Love Life

I was interviewed by the NY Post about all the ways in which I've seen bad tattoos sabotage relationships.

Allure: 8 BDSM Sex Tips to Try If You’re a Total Beginner

Allure Magazine asked me about tips for BDSM beginners.

Romper: 7 Mental Health Benefits Of Orgasms, As If You Need An Excuse On Pornhub you can search anything: Politicians, pop stars, even fidget spinners

I answer questions from about the infamous porn site PornHub.

NY Post: Why having sex when you’re tired can ruin your relationship

I tell NY Post that it's not a good idea to keep trying to have sex when you are exhausted.

Women’s Health: Can You Really Be Addicted To Sex? Here’s Everything You Should Know

I explained to Women's Health my position on why sex addiction is not the most accurate label to describe sexually compulsive behavior.  

Cosmopolitan: 7 Signs You Might Be Hard-Wired for Monogamy

I tell Cosmo about the personality traits of monogamous individuals.

Refinery29: So You’ve Been Faking Orgasms — & Now You Want To Stop

I explain to Refinery29 why it's so important to not fake orgasms in a relationship.

Women’s Health: Exactly How To Ask If The Person You’re Dating Is Sleeping With Other People

Interesting piece in Women's Health where I am interviewed on how to ask someone your dating about their own dating habits.

Refinery29: After Being Friends With Benefits, Can You Ever Go Back To Just Friends?

I am interviewed by Refinery29 about "Friends with Benefits" relationships.

CNN: What counts as ‘cheating’ in the digital age?

I discuss the difference between privacy and secrecy in this CNN piece on infidelity.

Men’s Fitness: 5 ways porn can affect your relationship

I am interviewed in this fairly nuanced piece on the pros and cons of porn.

Fatherly: 6 Quiet Sex Positions That Won’t Wake The Kids

I provide tips to new fathers on how they can keep the sex going even when they need to keep quiet.

Headspace: How To Get Out of Your Head to Enjoy Sex More

I am interviewed by Headspace, one of the best meditation and mindfulness apps available, on how to become more present.

Business Insider: How Often Do Happy Couples Have Sex?

I am interviewed in this intriguing Business Insider article on how often happy couples have sex.

Huffington Post: Why You Need to Remove ‘Sex Addiction’ From Your Vocabulary

The Huffington Post in South Africa profiles my work around challenging sex addiction (including my red/yellow/green menu exercise) .

Women’s Health: 5 Sex Positions To Try If You Are Bored

I provide some "technical" advice in this Women's Health piece.

Refinery 29: What To Do If You Get a Panic Attack During Sex

I provide some tips for people struggling with panic attacks.

VICE: Differences Between Men’s and Women’s Sex Toys

Women’s Health: How Can I Tell If I’m a Squirter?

I am interviewed by Women's Health about squirting and what it is.

Refinery 29: Turned on by Blood

I am asked by Refinery 29 to comment on why people may be aroused by blood.

Refinery 29: Piercing Fetish

I am featured in this very intriguing article on fetishes related to piercing and "needle play."

The Tab: What Happens When Your Boyfriend Leaves You For Another Man?

I give some insight into this interesting topic.

Independent (UK): What the Future of Porn Looks Like For Women

I am featured in this outstanding article in UK's Independent on women and virtual reality porn. I thought this was a fairly sharp and nuanced piece.

VICE: Uptick in Dominatrix and Porn Use Since Trump

Recent reports have indicated that there has been an uptick in demand for dominatrixes since Trump took office. I give my insight on this topic to

Redbook: What To Do If Your Husband Wants a Threesome

I give Redbook some pointers on having a 3some for the first time.

Maxim: Why Some Women are Turned On By Looking at Themselves

Playboy Compares 50 Shades with My Research

Playboy sent a journalist to watch Fifty Shades Darker, and then compared the movie with the results from my recent groundbreaking research on BDSM. Great article, enjoy!

Refinery 29: Autosexuality

I was interviewed in Refinery29 about autosexuality, a little known and poorly understood sexual orientation.

The Independent (UK) Feature on My Book Modern Sexuality

The Independent, one of the UK's biggest magazine ran an entire feature profiling my new book Modern Sexuality, in light of new proposed UK laws on porn and sexuality. Great analysis, definitely check this article out.

CNN: Is Fifty Shades a Boon or Bust for Kink?

I was interviewed for this CNN article, exploring the impact of the Fifty Shades trilogy on contemporary sexual life.

New York Magazine: Should Shame Be Used to Treat Sexual Compulsions?

I am featured in this terrific New York Magazine article, discussing some of the finer points brought up in the earlier article in SELF magazine (see listing below).

Self: How to Treat Sex Addiction When You Don’t Think It Exists

I am featured in this terrific article in SELF magazine on the nuances of the sex addiction debate.

Refinery29: 10 Ways to Tell Your Partner About Your Kink

I appear in this very informative article on revealing sexual desires to one's partner.

Complex: Is Unsafe Sex the Latest Kink

Complex asked me to weigh in on this provocative topic.

Vice: The Cost of Losing Your Virginity Late

I appear in, discussing an important but poorly understand subject.

Cosmopolitan: Why I Slept With a Married Man

I was asked by Cosmo to comment on this provocative subject.

Men’s Fitness: January ‘Sex Files’ Q&A

Check out my responses in my sex column 'Sex Files' in the Jan issue of Men's Fitness magazine.

CNN: Is Sex Addiction Real?

I'm interviewed, along with a number of my colleagues, in this great CNN article on a controversial topic.

Thrillist: Signs He’s Undateable

I weigh in in this great advice column in Thrillist by Elle Stanger.

Men’s Fitness: November ‘Sex Files’ Q&A

Check out my answers in my Men's Fitness column 'Sex Files' in the Nov 2016 issue.    

Future of Sex Podcast: Exploring Sexual Fluidity

Great episode, check it out.

Broadly: ‘Sleep Incompatible’ Couples

I give couples advice on how to deal with differences in preferred sleeping arrangements.

Self Magazine: 9 Things Everyone Gets Wrong About BDSM

I debunk myths about BDSM in this SELF magazine article.

Alternet: What Makes People Kinky?

Alternet does a great job of reviewing my book. Check out the link below.

Nothing Off Limits Podcast

In this episode, we talk about the societal myths of sexuality, including:
  1.  the false belief that sexuality is learned and can be changed,
  2.  that non-normative sexual behavior is pathological,
  3. that healthy sexuality involves intimacy,
  4. that intimacy is easily defined and mean the same to everyone, and
  5. that sexual behavior must have a clearly defined purpose.
We also discuss:
  • harm reduction
  • epigenetics
  • BDSM
  • fetishes
  • partialisms
  • polyamory
  • the darker aspects of psychotherapy when it comes to homosexuality
  • Dr. Aaron’s opinion on the book and movie ’50 Shades of Grey’
  • mismatched desire in couples…and a lot more.
Check it out by clicking the link below!

Alternet: Why We’re Still Hot for Erotic Literature

I weigh in on why people still enjoy erotic literature. Click the link below.

Playboy Reviews My Book Modern Sexuality

What a great review! Playboy says Modern Sexuality is incredible! Click the link to check out the review.

Mike E & Emma Australian Radio Show

I was asked to appear on Australian radio. It was a very fun segment, will post the link when I have it!

Cosmopolitan: Meet the Guys Obsessed with the Smell of Vagina

I was asked by Cosmo why some men may love the smell of vagina. It's kind of an off-the-wall topic, but apparently many people are interested in learning about this!

Stereo-Typed Podcast: Dancing With Your Shadow

I appear on the Stereo-Typed podcast to discuss my new book, fantasies, and our shadow self. Click the audio player below and enjoy!

The Boom Doctors Podcast

I appear on the Boom Doctors Podcast to discuss my new book Modern Sexuality and my work as a sex therapist. Clink the link below to listen in.

Nylon: The Porn You Watch Does Not Define You

I was asked by Nylon Magazine to weigh in on the subject of porn and what it means about the individual consumer. Pretty good non-pathologizing piece, check it out here:

Vocativ: Is VR Porn the Future of Sex Therapy?

I was interviewed by Vocativ about a new virtual reality series entitled "Virtual Sexology," designed to provide breathing and relaxation exercises in a virtual reality format to help individuals improve sexual functioning. Will something like this prove effective? The jury is out, but check out what I had to say...

Fusion Network: What is ‘Healthy’ When It Comes to Porn

I appeared on the nationally broadcasted Fusion Network Hotline show to discuss the GOP platform of porn as a "public health crisis." As part of the discussion I debate Dr. Neil Malamuth on porn and sexual violence. I thought this was a very thorough and productive half hour, which you can watch below:

Broadly– Fatal Attraction: The Women Who Love Serial Killers

In this "edgy" and "piercing" piece,  I was asked by Broadly about why certain people might attracted to the allure of dangerous individuals. The article covers a lot of ground, including harm reduction strategies, so definitely take a moment to check it out:

Vocativ: Best Mattresses for “Sex-Having”

I guess this must be a serious issue, as Vocativ tends to focus on reporting on trending topics. At any rate, people seem to really want to know what is the best kind of mattress for having sex, so naturally Vocativ got in touch with me to find out. Take a look:

Huffington Post: 7 Ways to Save Your Sexless Marriage

In this Huffington Post article, I advise couples to use sex menus to spice things up. Check out all the details in the link below.

WBAI 99.5FM NYC Radio interview part 2

In the second episode we focus solely on clinical issues, including how I work with issues around desire discrepancy. I cover a lot of substantive and actionable material here, much of which I also include in my upcoming book.

WBAI 99.5FM NYC Radio interview part 1

I recently appeared on WBAI 99.5FM NYC radio. We had so much material, we stretched it into 2 hours spanning 2 separate shows.
In this first episode we focus on sexological issues, including sex addiction and then the last 40 min or so were almost completely focused on transgender issues. We also get into some other topics such as newly formed identities such as "otherkin" and the "transabled" and I took some calls from some trans folks. It was a blast.

French TV Canal +: Financial Domination

I appeared on French national tv channel Canal + on the Emission Antoine tv show, discussing the psychology behind financial domination. I will post a video clip of the interview shortly.

Alternet: Why Trans Porn is Hugely Popular Among Hetero Men

Many people have been wondering about this subject and I weigh in with all the details in this Alternet article on why trans porn is so damn popular with straight guys. . I also provide some resources and citations to get the conversation started on this compelling topic.
From the article: "Aaron introduced us to the concept of 'queer heterosexuality,' or more fluid and non-binary expression of heterosexual identity. Some hope opening up the discussion will 'begin to give voice and legitimacy to the queerness that exists within the straight male world,' as one study puts it."

Women’s Health: 5 Ways to Make Sex With Condoms Feel So Much Better

I was recently interviewed in Women's Health Magazine on different strategies to make sex with condoms feel better. The title is pretty self explanatory. Check it out!

Huffington Post: Love + Sex Podcast

I was interviewed on Huffington Post's Love + Sex Podcast, which I'm told is the most downloaded sex and relationship podcast on iTunes. In this episode, I dispel the wild myths about "sex roulette" parties.

Nylon: 10 Things We Learned at an Alt Sex Conference

Check out this very "edgy" writeup of the AltSex NYC Conference from last April by Nylon Magazine. Sample quote: "Not only did Aaron put forth that it’s okay and healthy to enjoy edge play, but he spoke of it’s healing potential, sharing that some sexual assault survivors he has worked with found healing and enjoyment through rape fantasies with someone they trust. It’s an extremely delicate and tricky subject, as a sexual assault survivor myself, while totally supportive of rape fantasy roleplaying, such activities have to absolutely be done with someone you trust and can run a risk of re-traumatizing, a risk Aaron fully acknowledged."

The Sexual Reawakening Summit

I was interviewed for an upcoming online sexuality discussion series, the Sexual Reawakening Summit. It features many top sex therapists from around the country and you can access it by using this link:

Men’s Fitness: April “Sex Files” Q&A Column

In the April edition of my Men's Fitness 'Sex Files' Q&A column, I answer questions about anal sex and porn. Hurry and pick up a copy before it's off the stands! April Sex Files

Women’s Health: 5 Sex Moves That Flow Seamlessly into New Positions

I was asked by Women's Health Magazine to provide some advise on how to incorporate some new positions to spice up one's sex life. With a bunch of pictures and diagrams, I'm sure you'll find something that will intrigue you.  

AlterNet: A Surprising Number of Men are Renting Digital Girlfriends

I weigh in on this piece on Alternet about technology and the future of relationships. It's a good read overall, and here's a choice quote from me that may peak your interest: Psychotherapist Aaron says, “A lot of men may feel ashamed or embarrassed or uncomfortable talking about or revealing certain sexual fantasies that they have with a partner. For a lot of men, porn is a private way to explore their own sexuality. It’s nonjudgmental, and it’s not shaming. I think that’s a big draw.” According to Aaron, landing a virtual girlfriend provides the same kind of appeal.

New York Magazine Covers the 1st Annual Alt Sex NYC Conference

New York Magazine sent a reporter to attend the conference I created and co-produced, the 1st Annual Alt Sex NYC Conference, and came away with three key things they learned from the event. Enjoy!

Yahoo News picks up Reuters article on Sexual Perfectionism

Looks like Yahoo News picked up the Reuters article on women's fears that their partners expect sexual perfectionism. Check it out.

Reuters: Sex is No Fun When You Think You’re Partner is a Perfectionist

My latest interview with Reuters, this time about social pressure on women to be perfect sexually. "Our society is filled with sexual myths and misconceptions, mostly stemming from a combination of our culture's puritanical roots, as well as rampant consumerism, which feeds off individual insecurities to sell unnecessary products," Aaron said.

NY Post Picks Up Reuters Article About Kinky Sex

Remember that Reuters article about kinky sex (see below)? Looks like the NY Post is also covering it as well. Check it out:

Reuters: Lots of People Like Kinky Sex Psychologists Call Abnormal

I was asked by news agency Reuters to weigh in on a recent Canadian study of 1000 inhabitants of Quebec, in which nearly half of respondents stated that they enjoyed some form of kinky sex. I pulled no punches with my comments, found towards the end of the piece. Enjoy! The original academic journal article can be found here: The news article can be seen here:

Sex with Timaree Podcast: Discussing the 1st Annual AltSex NYC Conference

Want to know more about what the AltSex NYC Conference is all about? I appear with my co-organizer, Dulcinea Pitagora, on the Sex with Timaree show, a popular podcast, to discuss numerous things including how the conference was created and what attendees can expect. Click on the link below to check it out:

Prevention Magazine: 9 Sex Secrets Every Sex Therapist Knows (And You Should, Too)

I was featured in this very eye-catching article in Prevention Magazine. Typical relationship stuff. You gotta spice it up, keep things interesting, schedule dates, etc. Some interesting tidbits, but overall, it's worth checking out.

“The Sex Files”: My New Monthly Q&A Column in Men’s Fitness Magazine

Head out to the newsstands and grab a copy of the Jan 2016 issue of Men's Fitness Magazine to see the premier of the new monthly "Sex Files" column in which I answer readers' sex questions. In this month's issue I answer a question in which a guy is looking to help his girlfriend enjoy more pleasure when she is having sex on top. Check out the screenshot below to see my response: AskSexJan-Feb

CNN: What It Means to Be Pansexual

I was asked by CNN to weigh in on what it means to be "pansexual." Here's an excerpt from my interview:

"It is a broad word, and that is because people want to have the freedom to self-identify any way they want without being labeled by anyone else," said psychotherapist and sex therapist Michael Aaron.

"It has cultural resonance because it is so broad and allows for so much flexibility and choice."

For the entire story click here:

Love&- 5 Things Wives Want Their Husbands to Know about Sex

Love& is a new magazine about relationships and sex. They interviewed me about common things that women may want their guys to improve upon in the bedroom. One of the big ones is touch, as a lot of men are way too rough and don't know how to adjust their touch to what their partner wants. For more on this, and other pointers, check out the article itself below:

Thrillist: 5 “Terrifying” Sexual Disorders You Didn’t Know Existed

Despite the alarming headline, I was asked by lifestyle website the Thrillist to discuss a bunch of sexual issues that folks out there may encounter, such as Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder (PGAD), sexsomnia and phimosis (when the foreskin does not fully retract and may cause pain). Much of what I said was cut out (as sometimes happens) but I get in a few good points on phimosis at the tail end. Phimosis is an issue I've encountered frequently enough with my male clients, so it's definitely worth a read. Cash Slaves

I am featured in the newly released Vice documentary, "Cash Slaves." This is a very edgy and provocative look at the underground world of Financial Domination (Findom). As usual, I wanted to provide a fair and balanced portrait of the subject matter and make sure that the material was not pathologized. Findom is regarded by many to be an extreme fetish and definitely touches upon some very gray areas. Take a look at the video below and you can come to your own conclusions!  

Men’s Fitness Magazine Advisory Board

I have recently been chosen to be on the Advisory Board of Men's Fitness Magazine. As part of that, I will be popping in now and then to answer reader questions. It's possible my role will expand in the future, and there have been discussions to that effect, but for the meantime, I will keep everyone posted when they can pick up an issue to see my responses in print.

Wall St Journal: The Future of Virtual Reality Porn

Market analysts predict that new virtual reality technology will revolutionize the way we experience media, and will specifically boost the porn industry to unprecedented levels. This detailed article covers a lot of ground, addressing both the technology, business and social ramifications of virtual reality porn. I was asked to give my take on the issue and somehow a 20 minute phone conversation was distilled to a brief paragraph at the end of the piece, but nonetheless, it is still a worthwhile read.

NY Times: Women of the World

Does Bill Cosby have a fetish for unconscious women? Who knows? He's not a client and I've never met him, so I cannot say for sure, but this provocative piece in the NY Times tries to get to the bottom of his alleged bizarre behavior. The reporter did a great job dealing with some uncomfortable material,  so be sure to click the link below to see what I had to say on this issue:

Men’s Fitness- July 2015

I was recently asked by a reporter from Men's Fitness magazine to discuss reasons why a heterosexual man might refrain from having sex with a willing woman. The questions were basically soft balls, seemingly aimed at a younger, more inexperienced, male audience, but hey, I managed to drop a few decent pointers, relating to finding out if the woman is in a relationship, and if so, what kind of relationship she is in before diving in. If you want to take a look and poke around more, you can go directly to the article below. You are going to have to click to page 3 to see my quotes, btw.

Huffington Post: Most Common Sex Problems

I was recently interviewed for a piece in the Huffington Post about common sex problems. Entitled "The Most Common Problems People Have in Bed, According to Sex Experts", the article interviews a number of sex therapists about the most common cases they see in their practice. I indicated that lack of sexual desire rated pretty high, and they kind of bunched it up under the the umbrella of "mismatched sexual desires", which when it comes to couples is definitely fair enough. Solid piece all around, and written by a gifted writer who has a number of other interesting articles on the site. Definitely check it out:

Men’s Health- Building the Perfect Sex Machine

I was recently interviewed for a Men's Health article on sex toys designed for men. They wanted to know my take on these "robotic masturbators" (as they called them) and as always, I tried to take a fair and balanced view of things. I pointed out that they could be used as a way to get better acquainted with one's sexuality (as well as get some much needed relief), but an over-reliance on technology may also limit guys from developing the necessary skills that would help them form romantic relationships. At any rate, hurry on over to the article here-- Building the Perfect Sex Machine-- and you can form your own conclusions and decide for yourself.

Upscale Magazine- May 2014 Issue

Go check out a great, and I mean GREAT, absolutely fascinating article in the May issue of Upscale Magazine, entitled "Secret Lovers," in which I am interviewed regarding the hush hush world of the swinger subculture.  The writer does a really good job of trying to understand the psychology of folks who practice consensual non-monogamy and I think the piece is very even-handed, with some practical tips for couples who are curious about dipping their toes in the lifestyle. I'll leave you with a quote from one of the swingers profiled in the piece, which I think gives a good feel for the tone and depth of the article-- "I love to see her with two guys and two girls at once. I enjoy submissive women, and there is no sexier submission than to watch my wife please me by pleasing others."  If that sounds interesting, then I suggest you head out and grab a copy. It's well worth the read.

Cosmo- April 2014

I am featured in the Sex Q&A section of Cosmo's April 2014 issue, in which I get asked about BJs, Plan B, sex in hot tubs, and all kinds of other tittilating reader questions. They did a good job of adding all kinds of humor, including a silly picture of tea bags-- need I say more? It's a can't- miss hoot. Go and check it out at news stands now!

Sex For Smart People Podcast

I just recently did an interview for a cool podcast called Sex For Smart People. Here is their description of the show: Sex therapist/psychoanalyst Dr. Michael Aaron is our guest of honor this time. Hear his and our perspectives on things like: What to do when you feel less ravenous about sex than your partner feels? Is it really honestly possible to feel coziness/familiarity and also sexiness/mystery/excitement in a long term partnership? How do you begin to talk to your partner about your interest in power play? (Trigger warning, around the half hour mark, we talk explicitly about rape fantasies.) And did you know that *just this past year*, kinky behavior was officially de-pathologized in clinical psychology terms (we think it is about f*****g time)? Plus, Dave is super silly and time)? Plus, Dave is super silly and loopy on NyQuil, and he and Stephanie share their favorite pick-up lines. [audio mp3=""][/audio]