Blog

  • sexual trauma
    Permalink Gallery

    Thoughts on Working With Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Trauma (CSA)

Thoughts on Working With Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Trauma (CSA)

I was recently interviewed by an Australian production company about my work with adult men that have been victims of childhood sexual abuse (CSA). The focus was on the research concerning this subject as well as how I specifically work as a clinician with men who present to me with these difficulties in my therapy office. For those who don’t know, I’ve written the definitive meta-analysis of sexual outcomes of adults who have experienced CSA, and my research won an award for original scholarship and was published in a peer-reviewed academic journal. You can access it here.

Anyway, the interviewer asked me a number of very poignant and powerful questions, and I thought this blog would be a good venue for discussing some of the most salient points that came out of the interview. Even though the interview focused on men, my thoughts in this article are applicable to all individuals. Once the interview is live, I will post it on my media page, so be sure and be on the look out for it and keep checking this site.

The foremost question that the interviewer wanted to know, and that is also on the forefront of a number of my clients’ minds is to what extent does CSA effect adult sexuality? This is a very complex question because it incorporates a number of contextual factors. According to both the research and my clinical experience, people experience trauma very differently and a lot of it depends on a complex mix of environmental and psychological factors. First, not everyone experiences trauma from a childhood abusive event. Indeed the following external criteria are […]

  • harm reduction
    Permalink Gallery

    Why I Use a Harm Reduction Approach Instead of Sex Addiction

Why I Use a Harm Reduction Approach Instead of Sex Addiction

Over the years, I’ve worked with a number of individuals who have presented with out of control or compulsive sexual behaviors. In the past, these folks may have been designated as “sex addicts,” but the field is currently in transition and moving away from this perspective. A number of other models have sprung forth to fill in the void, and I have written about some of them previously. In this article, I will focus on what I feel is the most fundamental shift in the discussion around this issue, which is a move from abstinence only (the addiction model) to harm reduction.

Harm reduction? What is that? In essence, harm reduction is nothing new; it has been a staple of public policy and social programs for years. Indeed, I got my start in the field as a harm reduction outreach worker, going to local parks and other hangouts in and around NYC, exchanging clean needles for dirty ones with intravenous (IV) drug users or providing condoms and other necessities to transgender street sex workers. There are a number of harm reduction centers in many large urban areas around the country, funded both by charities and grants, as overwhelming evidence supports the efficacy of this kind of approach. It is only recently though that harm reduction has entered the psychotherapy office as a foundation for understanding human growth and psychological change. Indeed, I am proud to be at the forefront of this movement, hosting workshops on integrating harm reduction with sex therapy and speaking at major conferences on this issue.

At its root, harm reduction is both humanistic and culturally libertarian. No, […]

Working with Relationships in Transition

One of the key topics that I cover in my Common Issues in Partners’ Sex Therapy class is how to work with those relationships that are undergoing some sort of a transition. What I mean by  a “transition” in this case, especially when it comes to sex therapy, is some new item of information that is introduced into the relationship which also serves to destabilize that relationship.

What are some examples of this kind of destabilizing information? Here are some common ones– one partner introduces a desire for a specific kind of sex (or fetish) that is found to be repulsive or offensive to the other partner; one partner shares a desire to open up the relationship and explore some form on non-monogamy; or, and this was more common in the past, but still happens frequently enough, one partner shares information about his or her orientation or preferred gender that is at odds with the other partner’s prior knowledge or understanding. Regarding the last item, these types of relationships are called “mixed orientation” relationships. In the recent past, with a lessening of homophobia in general society, this kind of disclosing was likely to be of a man opening up to be homosexual. These days, my observation is that, while that still does happen, mixed orientation couples tend to be more of a hetero/bi dynamic. But I digress.

Let’s now talk about some specifics of how I work with relationships that find themselves in transition. The first and most important step (as is the case in any type of psychotherapy) is to create a safe space for both […]

Common Issues In Partners’ Sex Therapy

I am teaching a course this summer entitled “Common Issues in Partners’ Sex Therapy,” and as I’m in the midst of creating the outline and curriculum, I thought it appropriate to go through my old catalogue of articles and see what I’ve already written that provides further resources to the material I plan on covering.  I’ve divided the class into six sections– 1) General considerations; 2) Communication issues; 3) Infidelity/sexual compulsivity; 4) Desire discrepancy; 5) Relationships in transition; and 6) Alternative relationships. I’ll go through each of these in turn.

Let’s start with “General considerations.” Typically when I work with a relational system, I want to get a sense of where each individual is developmentally. Are these folks in they honeymoon stage? Are they trying to differentiate from one another? Are they in different head spaces (one is trying to assert independence while the other is trying to maintain the status quo)? Are there any personality disorders that are preventing this relationship from moving forward? Here are some articles I’ve written in the past that provide further detail on these subjects:

The Connection Between Attachment and Sexuality
Couples Therapy: What is Differentiation?
Why The Beginning of a Relationship Determines It’s Success
Borderline Personality and Sexuality
Narcissism and Sexuality
Boundaries: The Most Important Part of a Relationship

Moving on now to “Communication issues,” my work as a therapist requires me to dissect the communication difficulties that relationship systems struggle with and then model new, more productive forms of relating. I am informed by numerous thinkers in this area including John Gottman and Daniel Wile and here are some articles that highlight some of these […]

When It Comes to Change, Nothing Beats Experience

Despite the era in which we live, where any information (right or wrong) can be found instantaneously at your finger tips via a Google search, one of the most common problems I hear in my office is the struggle of my clients to overcome sexual shame and accept their sexuality. You might wonder, how could one still be ashamed of being gay when positive messaging about homosexuality can be found all over the internet and mainstream media? How could one still be afraid to admit their fetish to a partner when Fifty Shades of Grey was a runaway best seller? These are important questions to ask since I believe they directly address the mechanism through which the change process occurs.

You see, it’s not enough to cognitively understand something. It’s not enough to have facts and figures in front of you. And it’s not enough to have other people around you convincing you to dispel your opinions. That’s because there’s a huge gap between knowing and believing. Knowing is having disposal to certain information. But believing is when that knowledge becomes internalized. And true change only happens when our beliefs become internally congruent with the things we know. And it is this process of changing beliefs that requires lived experience in order to take hold.

We’ve all heard the phrase “walk a mile in someone’s shoes”, or some other version, which basically means that you can’t truly understand another person’s experience without having lived it yourself. We are all familiar with these ideas because on some level, as we’ve all had the experience of having that “light bulb” moment when […]

  • banana
    Permalink Gallery

    Research Shows When It Comes To Sex, It’s Quality Over Quantity

Research Shows When It Comes To Sex, It’s Quality Over Quantity

Moving along with my review of key talks from the most recent Society for Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR) conference, I will focus this particular article on the fascinating research on peak sexual experiences by Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz, from the University of Ottawa. In my previous review, I summarized the groundbreaking work of Doug Braun-Harvey and Michael Vigorito in creating a competing model to the sex addiction model in treating out of control sexual behaviors.

But before diving in, let’s first take care of some housekeeping. As many of you know, we just wrapped up the 1st Annual AltSex NYC Conference, which I created and co-produced with my colleague, Dulcinea Pitagora. It was a smashing success, in which over 150 attendees participated in a day long conversation around sexuality topics that are rarely discussed anywhere else. We had numerous media in attendance. New York Magazine just posted a nice summation, and additional reviews will be forthcoming in other media outlets. Feel free to continuously check the media page for additional updates.

Also, I am proud to announce that I am now blogging for Psychology Today, with my new blog entitled Standard Deviations. There is no content up there yet, as I am just getting started, and have been busy finishing up other matters, but feel free to subscribe there as well, as I will be posting a few articles to that blog in the next few weeks. I will still be blogging here, but my articles here will be more focused on clinical issues relevant to clients, while my writing for Psychology Today will be more big picture […]

A Different Perspective on Out of Control Sexual Behavior

I have just come back from Chicago, where I presented my latest research at the Society for Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR) Annual Conference. In the next few posts, I will point out a few key ideas that I took away from some of the other presentations, which were uniformly excellent. In particular, and that which is the subject of this particular article, I am going to focus on what I consider to be the groundbreaking work of clinicians Doug Braun-Harvey and Michael Vigorito and their approach to “out of control sexual behavior” or (OCSB). OCSB? What is that? Well, you may recognize this concept as “sex addiction,” which in my view is a problematic term that I’ve critiqued both here and here. So, the first thing to understand about these two guys is that they are working with the same sets of behaviors as sex addiction counselors, but without the addiction lens. Why is this so significant? Let’s take a look.

One of the most salient concepts from their talk is the central importance of therapist self-awareness. In other words, especially in the field of sexuality, it is very easy for any clinician to get carried away with one’s own prejudices and biases, which of course will inevitably interfere with treatment, often likely even causing great harm. This kind of bias may lead to a “premature evaluation”, in which a pre-established label (such as sex addict) is automatically assumed and foisted onto the client, stigmatizing him (and it’s often a “him”) for life. Braun-Harvey and Vigorito urge us to never assume etiology, instead approaching each client as […]

How Fluid is Sexuality?

How fluid is sexuality? This is a question I often hear both from clients and from my peers. In my upcoming book, I argue that much of sexuality is either inborn, or influenced by innate factors. However, that doesn’t mean sexual expression is fixed or static. After all, as we all have heard, much of human behavior comes down to a mix of “nature” vs “nurture.” Rather, even the fluidity itself I believe is influenced by as many genetic as social factors. Let me explain further.

There is an expression I like to use– you can have ten different people in a room engaging in the same exact behavior, but for ten different reasons. Where we often go awry is making judgments or conclusions based solely on external markers, in this case behaviors. But, as I’ve written about before, when it comes to sexuality, it’s all about intent. And we have no idea what that intent really is comprised of without having a greater understanding of the inner workings of that particular individual’s mind.

Let’s take same-sex behavior as an example. Psychiatrist Fritz Klein created what is called the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid, which divides orientation into seven distinct categories– Attraction, Behavior, Fantasies, Emotional Preference, Social Preference, Lifestyle, and Self-Identification. Those are a lot of categories! In other words, according to Klein, someone, let’s say in this case a man, may have a sexual attraction to a man, but only feel an emotional preference for women. Or that man may find a deep emotional connection with other men, but not find any desire for sexual interaction. […]

  • The-Truth-Extract
    Permalink Gallery

    Book Review– The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships by Neil Strauss

Book Review– The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships by Neil Strauss

This review is a preview of a more formal review which will appear a few months from now in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy. I will start by putting this book into context and then I will address the content before going into other aspects of the book, such as structure, quality of writing, etc. The author, Neil Strauss is a Rolling Stone Magazine journalist, and known for co-authoring books by rock stars such as Marilyn Manson, Dave Navarro from Jane’s Addiction, and Motley Crue. These names will all be familiar to those who were into rock music in the late 80s through the 90s. He then came to more prominence by documenting his rise from a journalist nerd who couldn’t “score” even when traveling with rock stars to a guy who learned to “pick up” women in the The Game. The Truth is marketed as a sequel in which this ladies’ man is now trying to learn how to maintain a great relationship now that he can find willing partners to form one. I happened to get my hands on a copy after a social media discussion I had with the author, in which I stated I was willing to provide an honest review in exchange for a copy of the book.

While The Game has received criticism for its portrayal of attitudes towards women within the “seduction community”, as it is called, I found The Truth to have more broad appeal to a variety of different groups. Off the top of my head, the following individuals would probably find at least something of interest within this book: Individuals who are […]

  • Permalink Gallery

    Research Study: How Does BDSM Differ From Self-Harming Behavior?

Research Study: How Does BDSM Differ From Self-Harming Behavior?

As some of my readers may know, in addition to my work as a therapist, and writer, I also conduct research in the field of sexuality. It is important for my work to be well-rounded, as both my work with clients and my writing is reflective of and informed by current research within both psychology and sexuality.

With this in mind, I have put together a high-level research team to investigate areas of sexuality that continue to remain question marks within the field and that may fall within the blind spots of clinicians when they come across clients that they may not accurately or clearly understand.

In this particular study, my team and I are investigating the murky area of BDSM, specifically intense sensation play, such as spanking, flogging, and whipping, etc, which is a common activity within the BDSM community.

I have written much on the topic of BDSM/kink/fetishes since it is so poorly understood and often unfairly pathologized by well-meaning, but misinformed clinicians, as well as the public at large. For some further reading and additional context, you can take a look at these other articles I have written on this subject:

Kinky Sex or Paraphilia?
Facing Your Shadow
Ecstasy Through Surrender
The Use of Role-Play as a Means of Identity Exploration
Sexually “Deviant” Fantasies: A Concept Without Credibility
New Study: “Unusual” Sexual Fantasies Not So Unusual
Is It Possible to Eradicate a Fetish?
More on Working with Fetishes: Important Considerations
BDSM or Abuse?
Vice.com: Cash Slaves
Gray Areas in Sexuality: When is a Fetish “Too Extreme?”

I’ve written much more on this topic, but this will give you enough material for a little while! Hopefully these items will be a good resource to […]

Web Design MymensinghPremium WordPress ThemesWeb Development

Nylon: The Porn You Watch Does Not Define You

NylonI was asked by Nylon Magazine to weigh in on the subject of porn and what it means about the individual consumer. Pretty good non-pathologizing piece, check it out here: http://www.nylon.com/articles/porn-habits-relationship

Vocativ: Is VR Porn the Future of Sex Therapy?

VocativI was interviewed by Vocativ about a new virtual reality series entitled "Virtual Sexology," designed to provide breathing and relaxation exercises in a virtual reality format to help individuals improve sexual functioning. Will something like this prove effective? The jury is out, but check out what I had to say... http://www.vocativ.com/347885/badoink-vr-sex-therapy/

Fusion Network: What is ‘Healthy’ When It Comes to Porn

fusion_logoI appeared on the nationally broadcasted Fusion Network Hotline show to discuss the GOP platform of porn as a "public health crisis." As part of the discussion I debate Dr. Neil Malamuth on porn and sexual violence. I thought this was a very thorough and productive half hour, which you can watch below:

Broadly– Fatal Attraction: The Women Who Love Serial Killers

broadly-logo1In this "edgy" and "piercing" piece,  I was asked by Broadly about why certain people might attracted to the allure of dangerous individuals. The article covers a lot of ground, including harm reduction strategies, so definitely take a moment to check it out: https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/hybristophilia-fatal-attraction-the-women-who-love-serial-killers

Vocativ: Best Mattresses for “Sex-Having”

VocativI guess this must be a serious issue, as Vocativ tends to focus on reporting on trending topics. At any rate, people seem to really want to know what is the best kind of mattress for having sex, so naturally Vocativ got in touch with me to find out. Take a look: http://www.vocativ.com/339728/hey-sex-havers-heres-how-you-should-choose-your-next-mattress/

Huffington Post: 7 Ways to Save Your Sexless Marriage

huffington-post-logoIn this Huffington Post article, I advise couples to use sex menus to spice things up. Check out all the details in the link below. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-to-save-your-sexless-marriage-according-to-sex-therapists_us_57740608e4b0cc0fa1362d64

WBAI 99.5FM NYC Radio interview part 2

WBAI_logo.svg
In the second episode we focus solely on clinical issues, including how I work with issues around desire discrepancy. I cover a lot of substantive and actionable material here, much of which I also include in my upcoming book.
Enjoy!

WBAI 99.5FM NYC Radio interview part 1

WBAI_logo.svgI recently appeared on WBAI 99.5FM NYC radio. We had so much material, we stretched it into 2 hours spanning 2 separate shows.
In this first episode we focus on sexological issues, including sex addiction and then the last 40 min or so were almost completely focused on transgender issues. We also get into some other topics such as newly formed identities such as "otherkin" and the "transabled" and I took some calls from some trans folks. It was a blast.

French TV Canal +: Financial Domination

canalplus_01I appeared on French national tv channel Canal + on the Emission Antoine tv show, discussing the psychology behind financial domination. I will post a video clip of the interview shortly.

Alternet: Why Trans Porn is Hugely Popular Among Hetero Men

AlternetMany people have been wondering about this subject and I weigh in with all the details in this Alternet article on why trans porn is so damn popular with straight guys. http://www.alternet.org/sex-amp-relationships/why-trans-porn-hugely-popular-among-hetero-men . I also provide some resources and citations to get the conversation started on this compelling topic.
From the article: "Aaron introduced us to the concept of 'queer heterosexuality,' or more fluid and non-binary expression of heterosexual identity. Some hope opening up the discussion will 'begin to give voice and legitimacy to the queerness that exists within the straight male world,' as one study puts it."

Women’s Health: 5 Ways to Make Sex With Condoms Feel So Much Better

womens-health-magazine-logoI was recently interviewed in Women's Health Magazine on different strategies to make sex with condoms feel better. The title is pretty self explanatory. Check it out! http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/condom-sex-tips

Huffington Post: Love + Sex Podcast

HuffPo Love + SexI was interviewed on Huffington Post's Love + Sex Podcast, which I'm told is the most downloaded sex and relationship podcast on iTunes. In this episode, I dispel the wild myths about "sex roulette" parties. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/sex-roulette-parties-podcast_us_57504bbae4b0ed593f136ca0

Nylon: 10 Things We Learned at an Alt Sex Conference

NylonCheck out this very "edgy" writeup of the AltSex NYC Conference from last April by Nylon Magazine. Sample quote: "Not only did Aaron put forth that it’s okay and healthy to enjoy edge play, but he spoke of it’s healing potential, sharing that some sexual assault survivors he has worked with found healing and enjoyment through rape fantasies with someone they trust. It’s an extremely delicate and tricky subject, as a sexual assault survivor myself, while totally supportive of rape fantasy roleplaying, such activities have to absolutely be done with someone you trust and can run a risk of re-traumatizing, a risk Aaron fully acknowledged." http://www.nylon.com/articles/things-we-learned-at-alt-sex-conference#page-1

The Sexual Reawakening Summit

Sexual ReawakeningI was interviewed for an upcoming online sexuality discussion series, the Sexual Reawakening Summit. It features many top sex therapists from around the country and you can access it by using this link: http://sexualreawakening.org/michael/

Men’s Fitness: April “Sex Files” Q&A Column

MensFitness_April2016-1In the April edition of my Men's Fitness 'Sex Files' Q&A column, I answer questions about anal sex and porn. Hurry and pick up a copy before it's off the stands! April Sex Files

Women’s Health: 5 Sex Moves That Flow Seamlessly into New Positions

womens-health-logoI was asked by Women's Health Magazine to provide some advise on how to incorporate some new positions to spice up one's sex life. With a bunch of pictures and diagrams, I'm sure you'll find something that will intrigue you. http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/sex-positions-that-transition-easily  

AlterNet: A Surprising Number of Men are Renting Digital Girlfriends

AlternetI weigh in on this piece on Alternet about technology and the future of relationships. It's a good read overall, and here's a choice quote from me that may peak your interest: Psychotherapist Aaron says, “A lot of men may feel ashamed or embarrassed or uncomfortable talking about or revealing certain sexual fantasies that they have with a partner. For a lot of men, porn is a private way to explore their own sexuality. It’s nonjudgmental, and it’s not shaming. I think that’s a big draw.” According to Aaron, landing a virtual girlfriend provides the same kind of appeal. http://www.alternet.org/sex-amp-relationships/future-online-dating-just-dating-virtually

New York Magazine Covers the 1st Annual Alt Sex NYC Conference

New York MagazineNew York Magazine sent a reporter to attend the conference I created and co-produced, the 1st Annual Alt Sex NYC Conference, and came away with three key things they learned from the event. Enjoy! http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2016/04/3-insights-about-kinky-and-nonmonogamous-sex.html

Yahoo News picks up Reuters article on Sexual Perfectionism

yahoo_news1Looks like Yahoo News picked up the Reuters article on women's fears that their partners expect sexual perfectionism. Check it out. https://www.yahoo.com/news/sex-no-fun-think-partner-perfectionist-215424209.html

Reuters: Sex is No Fun When You Think You’re Partner is a Perfectionist

ReutersMy latest interview with Reuters, this time about social pressure on women to be perfect sexually. "Our society is filled with sexual myths and misconceptions, mostly stemming from a combination of our culture's puritanical roots, as well as rampant consumerism, which feeds off individual insecurities to sell unnecessary products," Aaron said. http://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-sexuality-perfectionism-idUSKCN0XA2LU

NY Post Picks Up Reuters Article About Kinky Sex

NYPost-logoRemember that Reuters article about kinky sex (see below)? Looks like the NY Post is also covering it as well. Check it out: http://nypost.com/2016/03/18/lots-of-people-like-the-kinky-sex-psychologists-call-abnormal/

Reuters: Lots of People Like Kinky Sex Psychologists Call Abnormal

ReutersI was asked by news agency Reuters to weigh in on a recent Canadian study of 1000 inhabitants of Quebec, in which nearly half of respondents stated that they enjoyed some form of kinky sex. I pulled no punches with my comments, found towards the end of the piece. Enjoy! The original academic journal article can be found here: http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2016.1139034. The news article can be seen here: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-sex-norms-idUSKCN0WK2HZ

Sex with Timaree Podcast: Discussing the 1st Annual AltSex NYC Conference

timaree_podcastWant to know more about what the AltSex NYC Conference is all about? I appear with my co-organizer, Dulcinea Pitagora, on the Sex with Timaree show, a popular podcast, to discuss numerous things including how the conference was created and what attendees can expect. Click on the link below to check it out: https://sexwithtimareepodcast.wordpress.com/2016/02/29/ep236-the-upcoming-alt-sex-nyc-conference-sex-with-timaree-altsexnyc-2/

Prevention Magazine: 9 Sex Secrets Every Sex Therapist Knows (And You Should, Too)

PreventionI was featured in this very eye-catching article in Prevention Magazine. Typical relationship stuff. You gotta spice it up, keep things interesting, schedule dates, etc. Some interesting tidbits, but overall, it's worth checking out. http://www.prevention.com/sex/advice-and-secrets-from-sex-therapists

“The Sex Files”: My New Monthly Q&A Column in Men’s Fitness Magazine

jan-feb-cover-matt-bomer-mainHead out to the newsstands and grab a copy of the Jan 2016 issue of Men's Fitness Magazine to see the premier of the new monthly "Sex Files" column in which I answer readers' sex questions. In this month's issue I answer a question in which a guy is looking to help his girlfriend enjoy more pleasure when she is having sex on top. Check out the screenshot below to see my response: AskSexJan-Feb

CNN: What It Means to Be Pansexual

CNNI was asked by CNN to weigh in on what it means to be "pansexual." Here's an excerpt from my interview:

"It is a broad word, and that is because people want to have the freedom to self-identify any way they want without being labeled by anyone else," said psychotherapist and sex therapist Michael Aaron.

"It has cultural resonance because it is so broad and allows for so much flexibility and choice."

For the entire story click here: http://www.cnn.com/2015/11/09/living/pansexual-feat/

Love&- 5 Things Wives Want Their Husbands to Know about Sex

Love&Love& is a new magazine about relationships and sex. They interviewed me about common things that women may want their guys to improve upon in the bedroom. One of the big ones is touch, as a lot of men are way too rough and don't know how to adjust their touch to what their partner wants. For more on this, and other pointers, check out the article itself below: http://loveand.com/sex/5-things-wives-want-their-husbands-to-know-about-sex/

Thrillist: 5 “Terrifying” Sexual Disorders You Didn’t Know Existed

thrillistDespite the alarming headline, I was asked by lifestyle website the Thrillist to discuss a bunch of sexual issues that folks out there may encounter, such as Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder (PGAD), sexsomnia and phimosis (when the foreskin does not fully retract and may cause pain). Much of what I said was cut out (as sometimes happens) but I get in a few good points on phimosis at the tail end. Phimosis is an issue I've encountered frequently enough with my male clients, so it's definitely worth a read. https://www.thrillist.com/sex-dating/nation/5-terrifying-sexual-disorders-you-didnt-know-existed

Vice.com: Cash Slaves

Vice_Media_Logo_2015I am featured in the newly released Vice documentary, "Cash Slaves." This is a very edgy and provocative look at the underground world of Financial Domination (Findom). As usual, I wanted to provide a fair and balanced portrait of the subject matter and make sure that the material was not pathologized. Findom is regarded by many to be an extreme fetish and definitely touches upon some very gray areas. Take a look at the video below and you can come to your own conclusions!  

Men’s Fitness Magazine Advisory Board

mens-fitnessI have recently been chosen to be on the Advisory Board of Men's Fitness Magazine. As part of that, I will be popping in now and then to answer reader questions. It's possible my role will expand in the future, and there have been discussions to that effect, but for the meantime, I will keep everyone posted when they can pick up an issue to see my responses in print.

Wall St Journal: The Future of Virtual Reality Porn

Wall-Street-Journal-LogoMarket analysts predict that new virtual reality technology will revolutionize the way we experience media, and will specifically boost the porn industry to unprecedented levels. This detailed article covers a lot of ground, addressing both the technology, business and social ramifications of virtual reality porn. I was asked to give my take on the issue and somehow a 20 minute phone conversation was distilled to a brief paragraph at the end of the piece, but nonetheless, it is still a worthwhile read. http://www.marketwatch.com/story/how-the-future-of-virtual-reality-depends-on-porn-2015-07-15?

NY Times: Women of the World

ny times logoDoes Bill Cosby have a fetish for unconscious women? Who knows? He's not a client and I've never met him, so I cannot say for sure, but this provocative piece in the NY Times tries to get to the bottom of his alleged bizarre behavior. The reporter did a great job dealing with some uncomfortable material,  so be sure to click the link below to see what I had to say on this issue: http://nytlive.nytimes.com/womenintheworld/2015/07/10/why-did-bill-cosby-want-to-have-sex-with-comatose-women/

Men’s Fitness- July 2015

men's fitnessI was recently asked by a reporter from Men's Fitness magazine to discuss reasons why a heterosexual man might refrain from having sex with a willing woman. The questions were basically soft balls, seemingly aimed at a younger, more inexperienced, male audience, but hey, I managed to drop a few decent pointers, relating to finding out if the woman is in a relationship, and if so, what kind of relationship she is in before diving in. If you want to take a look and poke around more, you can go directly to the article below. You are going to have to click to page 3 to see my quotes, btw. http://www.mensfitness.com/women/dating-advice/5-reasons-you-shouldnt-have-sex-her/slide/2

Huffington Post: Most Common Sex Problems

imgresI was recently interviewed for a piece in the Huffington Post about common sex problems. Entitled "The Most Common Problems People Have in Bed, According to Sex Experts", the article interviews a number of sex therapists about the most common cases they see in their practice. I indicated that lack of sexual desire rated pretty high, and they kind of bunched it up under the the umbrella of "mismatched sexual desires", which when it comes to couples is definitely fair enough. Solid piece all around, and written by a gifted writer who has a number of other interesting articles on the site. Definitely check it out: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/03/common-sex-problems-experts_n_5978560.html?1415023230

Men’s Health- Building the Perfect Sex Machine

Men's HealthI was recently interviewed for a Men's Health article on sex toys designed for men. They wanted to know my take on these "robotic masturbators" (as they called them) and as always, I tried to take a fair and balanced view of things. I pointed out that they could be used as a way to get better acquainted with one's sexuality (as well as get some much needed relief), but an over-reliance on technology may also limit guys from developing the necessary skills that would help them form romantic relationships. At any rate, hurry on over to the article here-- Building the Perfect Sex Machine-- and you can form your own conclusions and decide for yourself.

Upscale Magazine- May 2014 Issue

SwingersGo check out a great, and I mean GREAT, absolutely fascinating article in the May issue of Upscale Magazine, entitled "Secret Lovers," in which I am interviewed regarding the hush hush world of the swinger subculture.  The writer does a really good job of trying to understand the psychology of folks who practice consensual non-monogamy and I think the piece is very even-handed, with some practical tips for couples who are curious about dipping their toes in the lifestyle. I'll leave you with a quote from one of the swingers profiled in the piece, which I think gives a good feel for the tone and depth of the article-- "I love to see her with two guys and two girls at once. I enjoy submissive women, and there is no sexier submission than to watch my wife please me by pleasing others."  If that sounds interesting, then I suggest you head out and grab a copy. It's well worth the read.

Cosmo- April 2014

cosmoI am featured in the Sex Q&A section of Cosmo's April 2014 issue, in which I get asked about BJs, Plan B, sex in hot tubs, and all kinds of other tittilating reader questions. They did a good job of adding all kinds of humor, including a silly picture of tea bags-- need I say more? It's a can't- miss hoot. Go and check it out at news stands now!

Sex For Smart People Podcast

sex for smart peopleI just recently did an interview for a cool podcast called Sex For Smart People. Here is their description of the show: Sex therapist/psychoanalyst Dr. Michael Aaron is our guest of honor this time. Hear his and our perspectives on things like: What to do when you feel less ravenous about sex than your partner feels? Is it really honestly possible to feel coziness/familiarity and also sexiness/mystery/excitement in a long term partnership? How do you begin to talk to your partner about your interest in power play? (Trigger warning, around the half hour mark, we talk explicitly about rape fantasies.) And did you know that *just this past year*, kinky behavior was officially de-pathologized in clinical psychology terms (we think it is about f*****g time)? Plus, Dave is super silly and time)? Plus, Dave is super silly and loopy on NyQuil, and he and Stephanie share their favorite pick-up lines. [audio mp3="http://www.drmichaelaaronnyc.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Episode-7-Relationships-Are-Something-You-Do-Not-Something-You-Have.mp3"][/audio]